I do not want to write this blog. For some reason, I feel as if putting the words to paper, or computer screen in this case, will make them true. As if they aren't true anyway.
My grandma is dying.
Not in the "we're all dying" fashion. No, in the cancer started in her kidney and moved swiftly and silently into her bones and is now trying to, or perhaps already has, infiltrate her brain fashion. As in, when she told the doctor I was planning a trip to see her in the next couple of weeks, he told her to see if I could come now instead. That's the kind of dying we're talking about here.
I am not ready for this. We lost my grandpa far, far too early to cancer. Six years later, we lost my other grandpa. For 11 years I've had only grandmothers, but that was ok because I still had both of them. Now...well, now I feel like everything is falling apart.
I am going on Tuesday to see my grandma, possibly (and probably) for the last time. We just came off spring break and now I will be leaving my students in the hands of substitutes for 4 days. Unfortunate doesn't begin to describe the situation. Overwhelmed and emotional doesn't even come close to describing my mental state right now. I go from being fine to suddenly realizing that this is happening and losing it all over again. Why am I so emotional over this? I've been "ready" for it for years. I've thought about losing her, losing both of my grandmothers, since my grandpas died. Ha. As if a person could ever be ready for this.
Why is this one hitting me so hard? You'd think, at 29 years old, having been through this already, that it would be easier. Why doesn't it get easier? She is 79 years old. She has lived a long, good life. That's not enough. I want it to be longer. I want it to be good-er.
I need to go figure out what to have my students do while I'm gone. I need to focus on the minutiae. I think it may be the only way I can function during my only day at work this week.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
You know you're a theatre geek when...
I found this list on Facebook. It is so true. So very, very true.
You’ve said countless times, “I can’t. I have rehearsal.”
Anyone who says Macbeth has a death wish.
You realize theater is your social life and you don’t have any friends outside of theater.
Stress is a way of life.
Cast parties rank right up there with birthday parties.
You never realized how much fun you had at rehearsals until you don’t have any more.
Once the production is over you don't know what to do with your time.
You love going to see other productions just to compare them to yours.
You go see other productions and cringe when you see people that can’t act.
You could easily set up a cot and live in the theater. You’re there all the time anyway.
You dread the thought of having rehearsal, but the second you get there you don’t want to leave.
You meet someone from another theater and instantly become best friends.
You beg all of your friends to come see you in the play when you are only onstage for two minutes.
You don't think twice about seeing guys in make-up or tights.
You're in public and look like you're talking to yourself because you are reciting your monologue.
You are a techie and want to strangle the actors because you have their lines memorized better than they do.
You know what Hell Week is.
If you put on a musical, you randomly sing all the songs at any time of day even if it is a musical you hate.
Sleep? What is sleep?
You swear like a sailor.
You've been dubbed a "Stage Nazi" or a "Tech God."
There's more drama backstage than there is onstage.
Actors and techies argue about who has more work.
You quote lines from previous plays you've done when you have casual conversations with friends.
You know what spiking is, and it's not what you do to hair.
You've been working with the same people so long that you have blackmail to last a lifetime.
Applause after a show is the best sound ever.
You have a sigh of relief when you are doing a comedy and you hear the audience laughing.
You can't remember what a home cooked meal tastes like, but you can remember every single way Taco Bell makes a taco or burrito.
Modesty is long forgotten.
You pride yourself in how fast you can strip your clothes off and change costumes. (Or help people strip!)
You’ve said countless times, “I can’t. I have rehearsal.”
Anyone who says Macbeth has a death wish.
You realize theater is your social life and you don’t have any friends outside of theater.
Stress is a way of life.
Cast parties rank right up there with birthday parties.
You never realized how much fun you had at rehearsals until you don’t have any more.
Once the production is over you don't know what to do with your time.
You love going to see other productions just to compare them to yours.
You go see other productions and cringe when you see people that can’t act.
You could easily set up a cot and live in the theater. You’re there all the time anyway.
You dread the thought of having rehearsal, but the second you get there you don’t want to leave.
You meet someone from another theater and instantly become best friends.
You beg all of your friends to come see you in the play when you are only onstage for two minutes.
You don't think twice about seeing guys in make-up or tights.
You're in public and look like you're talking to yourself because you are reciting your monologue.
You are a techie and want to strangle the actors because you have their lines memorized better than they do.
You know what Hell Week is.
If you put on a musical, you randomly sing all the songs at any time of day even if it is a musical you hate.
Sleep? What is sleep?
You swear like a sailor.
You've been dubbed a "Stage Nazi" or a "Tech God."
There's more drama backstage than there is onstage.
Actors and techies argue about who has more work.
You quote lines from previous plays you've done when you have casual conversations with friends.
You know what spiking is, and it's not what you do to hair.
You've been working with the same people so long that you have blackmail to last a lifetime.
Applause after a show is the best sound ever.
You have a sigh of relief when you are doing a comedy and you hear the audience laughing.
You can't remember what a home cooked meal tastes like, but you can remember every single way Taco Bell makes a taco or burrito.
Modesty is long forgotten.
You pride yourself in how fast you can strip your clothes off and change costumes. (Or help people strip!)
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Spring break, and other plans
So.
Originally we were going to spend spring break in a bed and breakfast in Couer d'Alene, ID followed by time at my grandma's house in Missoula. Unfortunately, Grandma is in the hospital in Arizona right now and likely won't be back in Missoula in time for us to visit.
Ricky already has the week of spring break off, so we decided to spend a couple of the days in Bend at my family's cabin and the rest of the time at home, hanging out, catching up on housework, maybe getting our coat closet done the way we want it? No matter, it will just be fun to hang with my husband and spend some quality time together. Not to mention the awesome time we'll have in Bend at the High Desert Museum.
Now, onto the other plans: My cousin, Garrett, graduates from high school this summer and will be visiting us at the end of June. This is technically his second trip to Portland, but his first really doesn't count - they flew in on Thursday and flew home on Sunday, with our rehearsal dinner on Friday and wedding on Saturday. There wasn't much sightseeing going on then! We're excited to have him visit for about a week and show him all that Portland offers. One of these days I'm going to get some part of my family to move out here, I'm just not sure which part it's going to be yet!
In August sometime Ricky and I are going to head back to South Bend, IN to see my family. It's been nearly 3 years since we've made it there, and we miss them all terribly. We're not yet sure when we'll be able to travel since we don't know what my work schedule looks like yet, but sometime between sending the Chinese students back to China and having to report back to school for the new school year we plan on spending a week or so in South Bend. Included in that week I expect an escorted road trip to Michigan City for a White Castle fix!
We're pretty excited for these plans. It's been a while since we really had a vacation, so we're very excited for a few days away in Bend, and we're really excited for Garrett to come here and for us to go there to see everyone. It seems like so far away but I know time will fly and it will be here before we know it.
Originally we were going to spend spring break in a bed and breakfast in Couer d'Alene, ID followed by time at my grandma's house in Missoula. Unfortunately, Grandma is in the hospital in Arizona right now and likely won't be back in Missoula in time for us to visit.
Ricky already has the week of spring break off, so we decided to spend a couple of the days in Bend at my family's cabin and the rest of the time at home, hanging out, catching up on housework, maybe getting our coat closet done the way we want it? No matter, it will just be fun to hang with my husband and spend some quality time together. Not to mention the awesome time we'll have in Bend at the High Desert Museum.
Now, onto the other plans: My cousin, Garrett, graduates from high school this summer and will be visiting us at the end of June. This is technically his second trip to Portland, but his first really doesn't count - they flew in on Thursday and flew home on Sunday, with our rehearsal dinner on Friday and wedding on Saturday. There wasn't much sightseeing going on then! We're excited to have him visit for about a week and show him all that Portland offers. One of these days I'm going to get some part of my family to move out here, I'm just not sure which part it's going to be yet!
In August sometime Ricky and I are going to head back to South Bend, IN to see my family. It's been nearly 3 years since we've made it there, and we miss them all terribly. We're not yet sure when we'll be able to travel since we don't know what my work schedule looks like yet, but sometime between sending the Chinese students back to China and having to report back to school for the new school year we plan on spending a week or so in South Bend. Included in that week I expect an escorted road trip to Michigan City for a White Castle fix!
We're pretty excited for these plans. It's been a while since we really had a vacation, so we're very excited for a few days away in Bend, and we're really excited for Garrett to come here and for us to go there to see everyone. It seems like so far away but I know time will fly and it will be here before we know it.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
What's going on?
(Please tell me at least one of you read that title and had the 4 Non Blondes song pop into your head!)
Here's a quick update with what's going on...
Here's a quick update with what's going on...
- Still working too much. Far, far too much.
- Softball season has started and I'm not coaching. It's odd, but good. There's no way I could handle that with everything else.
- Sunshine today - yay!
- Have a date with my dad today to go to the spaghetti feed at Mom's work. Mom will be there too, but she's working.
- The husband is also working a lot. His schedule has gotten funky, which means we don't get to hang out much. He rarely gets a weekend day off anymore and it makes me sad.
- We do have a date scheduled for Monday night. Portland Center Stage is announcing their 2010-11 season with a dessert reception and we have plans to attend.
- Just had an observation at work. Anxiously awaiting the feedback from my principal.
- We're planning a road trip for spring break. First non-softball related spring break trip since 8th grade. Insane, huh? More on the plans later.
- My college roommate, Amy, and I just signed on to teach Chinese kids again this summer.
- Ricky and I just finished a financial planning class and have a one-on-one meeting with the planner March 12. We hope to get a more solid plan going. We also need to get our will taken care of.
As you can see, life is very busy but not all that exciting. I am really looking forward to our date on Monday. I'm excited to spend time with Ricky and also to hear what shows PCS is producing next year. We've loved 3 out of 4 shows we've seen there this year and are hoping the next season looks as good. If it does look good, and assuming I still have a job, we plan on buying season tickets again. It's been great to know we have a date planned about once a month, and I love a good show!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Huh. That's a headscratcher.
Ricky and I had tickets to The Receptionist at Portland Center Stage tonight. Usually we really enjoy their plays, and from a production standpoint this one was on par with their other work. The script, on the other hand, left something to be desired.
In the beginning the script was funny. A caricature of office life. The receptionist, with her "phone answering" voice, her personal phone calls, and her morning rituals. The young coworker with her out of control love life. The older boss, close to retirement who leaves the ladies in the office on their own.
And then things got weird. A creepy visitor came from "the central office." He flirted, he overshared...and he was just creepy in general.
And then even weirder...there was talk of interrogation, working over the feet, breaking someone's pinky finger, wire to the eyes...Suddenly the boss disappears, his wife disappears, the young coworker packs up her office on the sly and takes off. Creepy visitor man comes and begins to interrogate the receptionist, and then takes her to the central office.
The end.
This script was like a bad joke. You know the ones, where the punch line is lost or forgotten or just plain stupid. Ok, no, this play didn't even have a stupid punchline, just no punchline at all. And it's going to bother me all. night. long.
In the beginning the script was funny. A caricature of office life. The receptionist, with her "phone answering" voice, her personal phone calls, and her morning rituals. The young coworker with her out of control love life. The older boss, close to retirement who leaves the ladies in the office on their own.
And then things got weird. A creepy visitor came from "the central office." He flirted, he overshared...and he was just creepy in general.
And then even weirder...there was talk of interrogation, working over the feet, breaking someone's pinky finger, wire to the eyes...Suddenly the boss disappears, his wife disappears, the young coworker packs up her office on the sly and takes off. Creepy visitor man comes and begins to interrogate the receptionist, and then takes her to the central office.
The end.
This script was like a bad joke. You know the ones, where the punch line is lost or forgotten or just plain stupid. Ok, no, this play didn't even have a stupid punchline, just no punchline at all. And it's going to bother me all. night. long.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Date Night!
Ricky and I hadn't been on an alone date in ages. We'd been out with friends, siblings, and/or parents, but not just the two of us. So when Saturday rolled around and neither of us had to work or had any other plans, we made plans together.
We started at a great little restaurant called Dingo's. Located in Portland's Hawthorne district, Dingo's is a "fresh Mexican grill" offering local, organic and sustainable fare for Portlanders. And it was yum! We started with a bowl of Pintos and cheese, topped with spicy slaw and tomatoes, served with chips. That was probably the best bean and cheese dip ever. Then we moved on to burritos. I had a chicken burrito with black beans and rice, smothered in mole sauce and served with sour cream. Ricky had a carnitas burrito with black beans and rice, smothered in a habanero sour cream sauce. Both were absolutely delicious - and filling. We each brought home half a burrito!
After enjoying our fantastic meal, we headed to OMSI for Laser Pink Floyd. What fun! We enjoyed a 45 minute laser light show set to the tunes of Ricky's favorite band. I am not the fan that he is, but even I recognized most of the songs and could even sing along with 2 or 3. I was surprised at how quickly the time went. Suddenly the lasers were flashing "the end" across the planetarium dome and I thought, "really?! Already??"
All in all it was a fantastic night. I was sad that we skipped out on a Mardi Gras party with my coworkers, but we desperately needed a night for the two of us. I would definitely recommend Dingo's to anyone, and the laser light show was a fun, different, and relatively inexpensive way to spend the evening.
We started at a great little restaurant called Dingo's. Located in Portland's Hawthorne district, Dingo's is a "fresh Mexican grill" offering local, organic and sustainable fare for Portlanders. And it was yum! We started with a bowl of Pintos and cheese, topped with spicy slaw and tomatoes, served with chips. That was probably the best bean and cheese dip ever. Then we moved on to burritos. I had a chicken burrito with black beans and rice, smothered in mole sauce and served with sour cream. Ricky had a carnitas burrito with black beans and rice, smothered in a habanero sour cream sauce. Both were absolutely delicious - and filling. We each brought home half a burrito!
After enjoying our fantastic meal, we headed to OMSI for Laser Pink Floyd. What fun! We enjoyed a 45 minute laser light show set to the tunes of Ricky's favorite band. I am not the fan that he is, but even I recognized most of the songs and could even sing along with 2 or 3. I was surprised at how quickly the time went. Suddenly the lasers were flashing "the end" across the planetarium dome and I thought, "really?! Already??"
All in all it was a fantastic night. I was sad that we skipped out on a Mardi Gras party with my coworkers, but we desperately needed a night for the two of us. I would definitely recommend Dingo's to anyone, and the laser light show was a fun, different, and relatively inexpensive way to spend the evening.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Not sure what to blog about
My life is not at all blog worthy these days. In fact, I can up everyday in one paragraph:
Get out of bed at 6. Shower, grab lunch, leave house between 6:30 and 7, depending on the day. First period prep, then teach periods 2 and 3. Fourth period, eat lunch. Teach periods 5 and 6. Grab a quick protein filled snack in the 4 minutes between 6th and 7th periods. Teach periods 7 and 8. Another quick snack. Teach two hours of after school classes. Finally leave school between 5 and 6, depending on the day. Get home, make dinner. Eat dinner. Collapse on couch. Move to bed. Lather, rinse, repeat.
I told you, so not blogworthy. My kids aren't even having great conversations that I can share for your entertainment (remember That's What She Said?). I'll come up with something good soon, I'm sure, but for now just read this post once a day and you'll know what I'm doing.
Get out of bed at 6. Shower, grab lunch, leave house between 6:30 and 7, depending on the day. First period prep, then teach periods 2 and 3. Fourth period, eat lunch. Teach periods 5 and 6. Grab a quick protein filled snack in the 4 minutes between 6th and 7th periods. Teach periods 7 and 8. Another quick snack. Teach two hours of after school classes. Finally leave school between 5 and 6, depending on the day. Get home, make dinner. Eat dinner. Collapse on couch. Move to bed. Lather, rinse, repeat.
I told you, so not blogworthy. My kids aren't even having great conversations that I can share for your entertainment (remember That's What She Said?). I'll come up with something good soon, I'm sure, but for now just read this post once a day and you'll know what I'm doing.
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