I hate that I struggle with my weight.
It started when I quit playing ball, really. Oh sure, I always thought I was fat...because I was built bigger than girls I went to school with and I couldn't wear a size 2 after about 2nd grade. I realize now, I wasn't fat. I'm just built that way. I'm built like my dad. I'm built, in essence, like a guy - broad shoulders, wide...but fat? No. Not in high school, not in college.
I'll never be a size 2. I'll be lucky if I can get to a size 12. But for me, that's ok - it's the shape my body is meant to have.
What's not meant to be is all this extra fat I'm carrying around. I'm out of shape, or in the wrong kind of shape, or something.
Playing ball, staying thin was easy. We were working out a lot, running a lot...and eating a lot, but it didn't matter because we burned so many calories. You try pitching 3+ games a weekend and tell me you're not working hard!
The thing is, I hate working out, so when I don't have a reason to...well, I just don't. I've never liked it, and it was always a struggle, but I did it because I knew I had to in order to be better at the sport I loved, in order to excel. Now I have no motivation, no competition, no real reason to do it. Other than my health, of course.
So here I am, back on the wagon. I'm trying to quit eating like I'm playing 5 games a weekend and get back to eating the way I know I'm supposed to. I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life and I hate it. So I'm changing. It's not going to be easy, and I may have setbacks, but I know I can do this.
Now, will someone please remind me of that when I try to quit again?
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