Everyday, people ask "how're you doing?" with that little smile that says "I'm so sorry for you." While I appreciate the thoughts, how I'm doing is a little hard to explain. Everyday, having lost my grandma is there in the back of my mind. It's not like it's something I ever am not thinking about, it's always there. But sometimes, it suddenly hits me. Like, when I realize I no longer have to clarify when I tell my mom I talked to Grandma. Or when I hear an ad for something and think, "ooh, Grandma would love that." Or when I log on to my FTD account and look at my order history and see a bouquet I sent her in September. It hits me, as if from out of nowhere, even though it's always lurking in the back of my mind.
Someone posted this poem on facebook today. It made me cry because it is so true. It is completely how I feel, and maybe it will answer the question, "How're you doing?"
I wish Heaven had a phone so I could hear your voice again.
I thought of you today, but that is nothing new.
I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too.
I think of you in silence, I often speak your name.
All I have are memories and a picture in a frame.
Your memory is a keepsake, from which I'll never part.
God has you in his arms, I have you in my heart.
1 comment:
Hi Laura. I've been thinking of you quite a bit the past few weeks. Everything you write here will continue, although it tapers down through the months and years to come.
Hang in there. I considered myself fairly balanced when I lost my Grandmother, but every now and then it saddens me to tears again & again. This is bound to happen. I constantly run across reminders or sentimental things, which only reinforce how much I love her. Let these moments be opportunities to remember your love, not your loss. She doesn't want you to be sad.
It's such a difficult thing to have a void in our lives when someone dear to us goes ahead to be with the Lord. I'm still praying for you. Many hugs and good feelings your way.
Love,
Beth
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