Sometimes it just hits out of nowhere

...and sometimes there's a trigger.

It's been nearly 2 months since that awful day at RHS.  In that time, I've dealt with my feelings - feelings of fear, guilt, shame, gratitude...so many feelings, all rolled up into one big jumbled mess.  The biggest thing I've had to deal with is survivor's guilt or, more aptly, "I was never in any danger so why the heck do I feel like this?" guilt.

I've been in the building many times this summer.  Going inside was not a huge deal.  My room is back to normal, I've seen my kids and had great times with them (we won a prize for our entry in the parade!) and in general life is back to normal.

And then, when you least expect it...

Ricky and I like to choose a show to watch together.  Because of our crazy, erratic work schedules, it's easiest if we choose something we can watch online on our own timeline.  Recently we started watching Six Feet Under.  Tonight we started season 3.

The show is the story of the Fisher family, who own and operate a funeral home.  Each episode starts with the death of someone who will then be taken to Fisher and Sons funeral home for embalming, viewing, funeral, - whatever the family wishes.  Each episode chronicles that particular family, deceased and death and how it's affecting the members of the family.  It's pretty brilliant, actually.

But season 3...well, episode 2 of season 3 starts with deaths caused by a shooting in a workplace, similar to what we went through.  I made it through that part though I had to focus on my breathing, but I did make it.

Later, two of the funeral directors were meeting with the family.  When one funeral director realized that they were meeting with the family of the shooter, he started to refuse to have the funeral there.  Later, talking with the other funeral director, he said "maybe if they had raised him better...."

And with that, I said, "I can't."  I can't watch this anymore, I can't handle it, I just can't.

It wasn't just the attitude.  The entire thing was bringing back everything we went through.  How awful the media was, how they lied to parents, saying they were the FBI, in an attempt to get the kids' phone numbers.  How they interviewed our kids, who were clearly in shock.  How they stood across the street, because they weren't allowed inside the church, and took paparazzi-esque photos of my students, my babies, in tears as they entered the funeral of their friend.  How Oregon Live - yes, I'm calling you out - LIVE TWEETED the funeral of one of our students.

The disrespect, the inability to grieve in peace...it all came back in that instant. That they got their information from Twitter when they couldn't get information any other way because we all sat in lockdown.  That a news person out of New York called the spouse of one of our administrators and lied about being the police so that he could call the administrator and try to interview that person while most of our school was still locked inside a building.

I get that the world wants news.  I understand that.  You all wanted answers.  So did we.  But really, after it's all said and done, isn't it enough?  Can't you just leave us alone??

It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday

I thought we'd get to see forever

But forever's gone away

It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday

--Boyz II Men

We had a candlelight vigil tonight as a way to get together with our community and begin our path to healing from the horrible event at our school one week ago.  A week of questions, anger, fear, exhaustion, and yes, sorry and tearful good-byes, it's been a tough one to say the least.

But one of our recent graduates read this poem tonight, and it spoke to me instantly.

Death is Nothing at All

by Henry Scott Holland

Death is nothing at all,

I have only slipped away

into the next room.

I am I, 

and you are you;

whatever we were to each other, 

that, we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name,

speak to me in the easy way

which you always used,

put no difference in your tone,

wear no forced air

of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed

at the little jokes we shared together.

Let my name ever be

the household word that it always was.

Let it be spoken without effect, 

without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all

that it ever meant.

It is the same as it ever was.

There is unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind

because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you,

for an interval, 

somewhere very near,

just around the corner.

All is well.

#RaiderStrong

There are no words

It's been nearly two years since I've written.  For that, I am immensely sorry.  Tonight is not a time for catching up though, it's a time for getting thoughts out.

There was a shooting at my school today.  I am safe, the students who were in my room are safe, and in fact 99.9% of the students at my school are safe.  One student was killed, one gunman is dead, and one teacher was injured.  Given that the shooting occurred just minutes before school started, we had potentially 2200 students and 150+ staff on campus.  That there were so few casualties is incredible, but the fact that we lost even one life to a gunman is tragic.

Sometime soon I will record the events as I know them.  I was across campus so I don't know much, but I would like to record my thoughts.  Tonight, though, I want to focus on the good.

Todd Rispler, my coworker, was grazed by a bullet in the hip.  Even so, he ran to the office and alerted them that we had an active shooter.  This initiated the lockdown, and it all happened within minutes of the shooter walking into the gym area with a gun.  This undoubtedly saved lives.

All of the students and teachers  responded as prescribed to the lock down.  I can't speak for every classroom, but I know my room was quiet and calm.  Of course students were upset, but they were under control and compliant, which is a huge feat given that we had very little information and lots of rumors were swirling via social media.

The area law enforcement agencies who came in to help us were professional and authoritative but also gentle and sensitive to the situation.  They were thorough but efficient, which meant we weren't stuck inside without any knowledge longer than we had to be.

The church across the street opened their arms to us.  They let us gather in their parking lot to await transportation away from school.  They opened their restrooms to us, they brought us water, and they made sure we had what we needed.

Trimet arrived with buses to take students and then staff away to the staging area, where we could reunite students with their families and begin to figure out what next.

Wood Village Fred Meyer cordoned off an area of their parking lot for us.  That area was used to reunite students with parents.  It was also the place for staff to gather to get food, water and information.  Fred Meyer employees brought us lots (and lots and lots and lots) of water, cookies, veggies, chips...all kinds of things that we hadn't realized we needed.  By that point it was 1 or 1:30 pm and we were all suddenly starving.  None of us had eaten since the lock down started.

Subway provided sandwiches.  Buffalo Wild Wings brought out chicken.  I saw burgers or something though I'm not sure where they came from.  The Salvation Army was there to lend a shoulder, an ear, and make sure we were all staying hydrated.

One of the middle schools in our district, my former school in fact, let us gather in the cafeteria so we had a private indoor place to meet and debrief.  When we arrived there, we had more water, bananas, apples, other food items that didn't really register, and Starbucks had provided coffee.

My friends and family from across the country, who texted and messaged me to check in, sending love and prayers, and who understood when I was short with them and very light on answers.  Knowing you were thinking of us, being able to stay connected to the outside world, meant so much.

My sweet friend Chrissy, who has offered me her car if I need it, as mine is still stuck at work (along with my wallet and keys).  She continued to check on me throughout the day and updated our other friends so I didn't have to.

And of course my incredible parents, who were there the minute I called.  My dad drove out to our area when I knew that I wouldn't be able to take my car and waited in a nearby coffee shop for about an hour until I was able to leave, all so that the minute I was able to leave I could, instead of having to wait for him to make the 30-45 minute drive out there.

Yes, today was awful, but out of the ashes the Raiders and our community will rise.

Farewell, My Sweet Pup

Dear Jackopea,

It is hard for me to imagine what life will be like without you.  For six years, you have been an integral part of my life.  You have become a part of me, and now that part is missing.  I am devastated, to say the least.

We picked you up from Family Dogs New Life Shelter on June 10, 2006.  I had been wanting a dog for ages but Ricky didn't.  When he saw your picture he told me he'd be happy to get a dog, as long as it was THAT dog - meaning you.  I'll be honest, you weren't my first pick.  I was hoping for an older, mellower dog, and mellow was not at all a word I'd use to describe you in those early years!  But I wanted a dog more than anything, so home we went.

It took a while for us to all adjust to each other.  I was frustrated with you in the beginning.  You followed me everywhere and got into everything.  I thought about taking you back to the shelter.  I even talked to Ricky about taking you back.  I talked to the shelter about what a difficult time I was having and Lisa gave me some ideas.  And then...I read your file.

You were found on the street as a puppy in October of 2005.  You estimated birthday was May of the same year.  The family that found you took you home and named you Spaz.  Then, in December of 2005 they took you to Multnomah County Animal Services and Shelter.  They said they couldn't handle you anymore.  You were too barky and you knocked over the kids.  We found out later from Lisa that they kept you outside all the time and put you in your kennel for punishment.

Sometime between December and February you were transferred to Family Dogs.  A new family adopted you.  They kept you for 4 months, then brought you back.  The woman showed up at the shelter and said "here, you take him" and left, leaving you standing in the lobby.  Is it any wonder you had an aversion to the place and would run past it as fast as possible on our bike rides?!  That second family changed your name from Spaz to Jacko, and the name stuck.

By the time we came along, you were one year old.  We were your third family in 8 months.  After reading your story, I knew there was no way I was going to take you back to the shelter.  Somehow, someway, we'd work it out.  In fact I looked into your eyes and told you that I wouldn't give you up.  Six years later, I still mean it - I won't give you up, my sweet, sweet pup.

We had a lot of great times together.  You loved bike rides - so much so that we couldn't even say the words around you until we were ready to go!  I'll never forget when we realized you knew what the phrase "bike ride" meant.  I'll also never forget when I realized just how much you could understand.  I told you I was tired and that we weren't going for a bike ride today.  "Not today," I said, and you proceeded to mope around the house like you'd lost your best friend.  "Tomorrow," I said, and sure as shootin', the next day you danced around the bike until I finally took you.  That was also the day I learned that the theory that dogs don't remember things was wrong, at least in your case.

Sometimes we'd take you for a run downtown.  We'd go to the fountain at Salmon Street and you'd play.  You loved that fountain, but only one of it's settings.  When the other settings were going, you couldn't care less about playing, but as soon as the "hose" setting of the fountain came on, you were giddy with excitement.    Of course, it was a long way for a pup to run to get to that fountain, and the first time we took you we thought we broke you!  You hardly moved for the next two days!

Ricky and I took you lots of places.  We took you to the Starlight Parade and to the Milwaukie Daze parade.  We went to lots of different dog parks - you even got to play in a really cool dog park in Bend once.  One time we went to Lew's Dari-Freeze with Mom and Dad, and you got your very own soft serve ice cream cone.

You knew a lot of words, and a lot of tricks.  You came to us knowing sit, lay down, and shake.  Ricky taught you to speak - and then you never shut up again!  Boy, did we regret that one.  We also taught you left and right, wave, jump, sing, go around, off, and I'm sure there were others.  Of course, our favorite trick to show off was "bang!"  We'd point our finger at you like a gun and say "BANG!" and then you'd fall over and play dead.  Everyone loved that trick and you loved to show it off.  Of course, you could only pretend to be dead for a few seconds before your tail would start thumping.  You sure loved that attention!

When we first bought this house, we brought you here a lot while we worked on it.  Each day we'd come to the house, do some work, play in the backyard and then go home.  The first night we stayed here for good, you started whining in the evening.  We couldn't figure out what was wrong.  Finally we realized - you thought it was time to go home.  It took a few days for you to realize we WERE home.

In March 2011 we brought Cody home.  He's a crazy, spastic dog who must be slightly ADD.  Ok, more than slightly.  You loved him and loved to play with him, but sometimes you got frustrated with him.  Cody, for his part, followed you everywhere (hey, payback, right?!).  When you wanted time away from Cody, you'd trick him.  If you went to the door as if you wanted to go out, Cody would too.  As soon as Ricky or I opened the door, Cody would head outside while you bolted back to the bedroom.  You always were too smart for your own good.

There were so many great times, and this has already gotten too long.  Mostly I want you to know that I loved you so, so much.  You were my first baby, and you'll always be my favorite (don't tell Cody).  I miss you more than I can tell you.  Coming home tonight was hard.  Not hearing your tail thumping against the wall of your kennel sent me into a tail spin.  I don't know how I'm going to do life without you, my companion.  The unconditional love, the complete trust and total adoration you showed me has been ingrained on my heart forever.  You were well loved, pup, and now you are sorely missed..

Bedtime won't be the same without you, Jacko-pea.  No one to snuggle, no one to sneak in between Ricky and me, no one to growl at me when I wake him up by changing positions in bed.  My heart is aching, but I am glad you were able to live a full and happy life.  You got to go for your last bike ride with Ricky just a couple of weeks ago, and for that I am so thankful.  You looked so happy flying down the road, and I have to believe you knew how much we loved you.

Goodbye, my faithful friend.  You were so much more than a dog, and you will be missed for always.

Vacation

A couple of weeks ago, Ricky and I realized we needed to get out of town for a couple of days.  We were a  point where we couldn't relax at home anymore - there's too much to do and anytime we sat down to rest we were thinking "Oh boy, I should be doing _____________."  So we decided to head out of town.

We both love the beach and find it to be one of the most peaceful, relaxing places on earth.  We also enjoy camping.  An added bonus of camping is that it's not nearly as expensive as hotels at the beach during the summer.  So, we packed up our stuff and headed to Cape Lookout State Park in Tillamook, Oregon.

It was a wonderful, relaxing time.  Sleeping outside with the sound of the ocean from just over the berm was delightful.  Cooking over the fire always tastes better than cooking on a stove.  And of course, there was the general fact that we had no place we had to go, no schedule to keep, nothing we had to do besides sit around the fire and relax.

Unfortunately, our vacation was short lived.  We only got to be away for two nights.  However, it was exactly what we needed to refresh and re-energize.  We're back home now, much more able to cope with the things that daily life throws at us.  We're also planning another beach escape for later in the summer!

Workin' 'Round the Ol' Homestead

We've been doing a lot of work around this place!

Yesterday I pressure washed our picnic table in preparation of painting it and making it nice and new looking.  I don't know how old it is - it was a hand me down from a family friend - but it was showing some age so I decided to give it a makeover.  I'll post photos once I'm done.

We also built a new fence yesterday.  The neighbors got new dogs and Jacko had been going crazy trying to get to them.  He figured out that if he pushed hard enough on the fence slats, he could pop them off the rails and get his fat butt into the neighbor's yard!  We had to remedy that as quickly as possible, so we built a fence on our side that is both stronger and with rails facing out, so he can't push his want into the neighbor's yard anymore.

Today was another productive day.  Ricky pressure washed and resealed our beautiful stamped concrete.  With all of the rain, mud, and wrestling that goes on, the seal was wearing quickly and we wanted to preserve the beautiful look of our concrete.  Now it looks as good as the day it was first sealed, nearly a year ago!

Our patio the day it was finished, September 2011

As if that weren't enough, we took the dogs to the dog park.  Once the patio is sealed, no one can walk on it for 24 hours, which means the pups can't go in the backyard except on a leash and out the side door.  We took them to the park so they could run around and have fun as a break between a morning and evening of cooped-up-ness.  Fearful of what a bike ride would do to Jacko's heart, I drove him while Ricky took Cody on the bike.  Apparently we should have been more concerned for Cody!  He was pretty shaky and worn out when they got there, so when it was time to go home we switched.  Cody rode in the truck with me and Jacko got to go for a (slow) bike ride home.  As you can imagine, he was in hog heaven.  Bike rides are few and far between for him now, so this was an extra special treat.

Add to that the 1 million loads of laundry I've done and it's been a pretty good weekend for us!

Ch-ch-ch-chia!

Ch-ch-ch-chia pet pudding!

I stumbled on a recipe for coconut mango "tapioca" the other day and had to try it.  Instead of tapioca, this recipe uses chia seeds.  Yes, the same chia seeds that you use to grow a chia pet.  Turns out these seeds have a high nutritional value.  They're full of omega-3 fatty acids and loaded with fiber.  Awesome!

The pudding, which can be found here on Skinnytaste, is pretty tasty.  It makes quite a bit - maybe 1.5-2 cups worth? - and serves 2, so you get a good amount in a portion.  I prefer warm puddings, so when I tried it right out of the fridge I didn't like it.  I tried warming it in the microwave but it got too runny that way.  Instead, I let it sit out and come to room temp.  That was perfect.  Sweet, creamy, delicious.

Next time I am going to put more coconut in it.  My mom also had the idea of layering it with various fruits for a fruit parfait.  I'm thinking pineapple, mango...what other tropical type fruits could I use?  Anyway, for a 3 points plus treat it was quite delicious!

The Most Important Meal of the Day

I have long been a fan of breakfast.  I'm not sure when or why it started, but breakfast is easily my favorite food group, if you can call it a food group.  From Lucky Charms and Trix (thank you, grandparents) to pancakes, waffles and eggs benedict, I have an affinity for breakfast foods and could easily eat them every meal.

I am not, however, a morning person.  I'm more of a brunch girl, if we're being honest.  I love a nice big "breakfast" of pancakes, eggs, fruit - the works - somewhere around 10 am.  Work, on the other hand, starts at 7, which presents a real problem for this night owl.

Recently I realized that I needed to come up with better breakfast solutions.  I was eating far too much sodium between the instant oatmeals and store-bought breakfast burritos.  Not to mention, that gets expensive!  I decided I needed to find ways to have breakfast that I make without having to get up any earlier.

Enter my new obsession, the pre-made breakfast.

I did a lot of googling, pinteresting, and more googling and found several breakfast recipes that freeze and reheat well.  I also found recipes that are meant to be enjoyed cold.  I've been making this and stocking our freezer with them.  They're homemade, meaning I know every ingredient that goes into them, and healthy.   Some of my favorites are

Refrigerator Oatmeal from The Yummy Life
Cream Cheese Pancakes from I Breathe...I'm Hungry
3-2-1 Custard from The Greenbacks Gal

Finding these recipes has really made a difference for me.  I love that I can have hot pancakes in the morning without having to stand over the griddle.  Truly, 1 minute in the microwave and they're just as good as when I pulled them out!  The refrigerator oatmeals are grand, especially when it's already 80 degrees in the morning.    I also love that I have variety at my fingertips.  I am definitely not one who can eat the same breakfast every day.  I love breakfast and I love variety, and I love that these make ahead recipes allow me to have both without too much stress in the mornings.

Six months? How did that happen?

Somehow I managed to let 6 months go by without a post.  I thought about posting, but never seemed to have the time, energy, desire, motivation, inclination...whatever you want to call it.

Jacko and Cody are still with us.  Cody has only had 1 seizure since that first one, so he doesn't have to be on medication - yay!  Jacko is definitely slowing down.  His breathing is getting more and more labored and he can't play for long, but he doesn't seem unhappy or in pain.  Mostly what he wants to do is cuddle and chew on bones.  He's also discovered how to take the lid off the treat jar (told you he's smart).  He managed to empty the jar one and a half times before I discovered his new knowledge and moved the treats to where he can't get to them.

We recently went through a strike at my job.  I have never been through one before and I hope to never do it again.  It is easily one of the worst experiences of my life.  On the flip side, we discovered just how tight our staff is and how different we are from some of the other schools.  Our staff gets along very well, and the strike just highlighted how much we care about each other and our students.

My Advanced Theatre class produced two successful plays this year.  We opened with The Phantom Tollbooth in February and ended the year with The Jungle Book in May.  Unfortunately, The Jungle Book got overshadowed by all the strike goings on in the district and attendance was less than satisfying.  It's sad, too, because several people said it was our best show yet.

Ricky is still working nights, and I have just 3 student days left at school, plus two staff workdays after that.  Then I have about a month off before the Chinese kids get here!  After that, my cousin is coming to visit to celebrate his high school graduation.  This is the baby of the family, the last of us to graduate high school.

In the meantime, I'm trying to get back into shape again, still, whatever.  My current obsession is make ahead breakfasts. I've been trying lots of recipes and will post them soon, with reviews.

So, that's about it.  Six months in a nutshell.  I'll try to be better about posting, but no guarantees.  It might help if I had some specific things to write about.  Any suggestions?

Tough times

Things around here are bleh. For one, I think my "winter blues" (yes, I'm technically diagnosed with SAD but I hate saying it) are worse this year than they've been in the past.

Secondly, both dogs are having health issues that are scary and unpredictable and I hate that. They're my babies, I want to protect them!

Third, I'm having anxiety about every. little. thing. Everything feels like this huge weight on my shoulders and I'm stressing about everything and nothing. It sucks. I'm guessing it's a byproduct of items 1 and 2.

So - puppy health. First, Jacko has what's called a 3rd degree heart block or complete heart block. The two parts of his heart (atria and ventricles) don't talk and his heart rate is incredibly low. There is no cure. The options are to do nothing or do a very pricey pacemaker surgery and hope it helps. After hearing the cost of the surgery and doing some research on the risks, we've decided against it. So now we just wait for him to die. I know that sounds awful, but it's true. He is going to die, sooner rather than later, and all we can do is wait and watch and love on him a lot while he's still here. It's a fairly rare condition so there's not a ton of information on it, but the research there is tells us we have anywhere from a week to 6 months or so with our beloved pup.

While that's all happening, Cody decided it'd be cool to be epileptic. He had a grand mal seizure at 3 am on Black Friday, scaring Ricky and I half to death. He's fine now, and the current treatment is "watch and wait." The medication to prevent seizures has enough side effects, and serious enough side effects, that the vet advised we not use them unless he's having more than one seizure every 3 months. As far as we know, the seizure he had on Friday was his first, so for now we're just waiting and hoping it doesn't happen again.

Add all that to the crappy weather and you can understand why every little thing is stressing me out. I need a vacation from my life.

My Shellac Experience

A few weeks ago, I decided to give the new shellac nail polish a chance. I'm a lifetime nail biter and I thought this might be just the thing to help me stop, since I don't bite when I have polish on my nails. Unfortunately, traditional polish lasts approximately 7.6 seconds outside the salon before I screw it up, whereas the shellac is said to last for 2 weeks without chipping or peeling and it's dry before you walk out the door.

The process begins the same as a normal manicure. You soak, you get your cuticles pushed back and trimmed, your nails are filed and buffed. It's when the basecoat comes out that things change. Between each coat of base coat, polish, and topcoat, your hands are put into a small UV dryer. I lovingly refer to it as the nail tanning bed. Without the UV dryer, the polish will never dry! It's essentially baking the polish onto your nails. The dry time for each coat is about 4 minutes.

How do I like it? I tell you what - this stuff is amazing! It does not last a full two weeks for me, not because the polish looks bad but because my nails grow so fast that by the two week mark I have a full 1/4 to 1/2 inch of new growth, and that just looks silly. I love that I can walk out of the salon with dry nails - no smudging it when I open the car door, yay! I love that I can be rough on my hands, as usual, and the polish holds up to the challenge. I love that I appear to have quit biting my nails!

Now, about those nasty rumors that shellac will ruin your nails: according to the nail tech I've been seeing, there are two kinds of "long lasting" polish, the shellac and another called gel nails or Gelife. She said they tried switched to the gel because it was a lot cheaper and significantly faster, with a UV dry time of only 30 seconds for each coat. She said that at first they loved it, but then they realized that on a client's 2nd or 3rd time with the gel, their nails were completely ruined. She beliefs it's because the gel isn't as high quality as the shellac. While the shellac is more expensive and takes more time, the salon I patronize prefers it because they believe strongly that it's much healthier for the nails - so much so that they threw away all the gel polish and switched back solely to the shellac!

After about 10 days, I notice that the edges of the polish are starting to lift. This also happens to coincide with the noticeable growout, so I've been attributing the lifting with the fact that the polish is no longer butted up to the nail bed. If I'm good and don't pick, it's fine and not noticeable unless you get really close. When I'm bad and can't leave it alone, I notice that peeling the polish off is not great for my nails as it seems to take some of the top layer of the nail with it. I do not notice that it significantly weakens my nails if I have the shellac removed the proper way, however.

Speaking of the proper way, to have the shellac removed, the nails are soaked in acetone and then the shellac is easy to push off the nail. This is not something I've ever tried at home, and I don't intend to. The salon will remove it free of charge, no appointment or new manicure necessary.

Adjusting, one day at a time

About a month ago, Ricky switched positions within his company and is now working nights. This is a big switch for us. He worked nights when we were first married, so I figured it would be no big deal, but apparently years of him working the same basic schedule as me made me forget how hard it can be.

As I said, it's been just over a month and I feel like we're finally hitting our stride in how all of this works. Of course, it will all change again in a month when I go back to school, but for now we seem to be adjusting and adapting - finally. It was hard on all of us, dogs included.

Right now our schedule tends to be that I get up around 6 to let the dogs out - if it's light outside they think they need to be out there. I go back to bed until 8 or 9 when I get up for the day, feed the dogs, and get started on whatever projects I have (during NISE, I just got up at 6, let the dogs out, then let them back in and fed them before I left at 7:15).

Around noon, Ricky rolls out of bed. If I'm home, we hang out, but more often than not I'm not home. He lets the dogs out again and then does whatever he needs to around the house until it's time for him to leave for work.

When I get home, I let the dogs out, then let them back in for their dinner. While they're eating, I make my own dinner and eat. Sometime in the evening, after it's cooled off outside, the three of us head out to the backyard where I read my book and the pups play. I'm usually in bed by the time Ricky gets home, at which point Jacko stays in the bedroom with me and Cody joins Ricky wherever he is.

Our poor dogs went from going out and coming back in once in the morning and once in the evening to this weird, seemingly random in and out routine. Jacko especially wasn't adjusting well, especially since it took Ricky and me several weeks to figure out what the new routine was. Now that we've figured it out, he's doing a lot better, but for a while we were dealing with a pouty, whiny dog who just wanted to chew up all the paper in the house.

I will say, I'm enjoying my evening reading time. It's nice to be outside in the cool air, and even though I'm not an active participant in the dogs' playtime, it seems to be enough for them that I'm just there, which goes a long way to reduce the neediness they exude once we're back inside. How all this will play out in the school year, especially in the winter, I don't know. For now, we're just taking it a day at a time.

A song in my heart and a tear in my eye

Show time = stress time, and for me stress time = dredging up old emotions and feeling all kinds of sad and melancholy.

It stands to reason, since we just had the anniversaries of all 3 grandparents' passing, that I'd be missing them tonight. This song kept coming up for me as I sat here working on variousAlice projects. So I listened, had a good cry, and then decided to share.

Oops!

Well, so much for "blog-a-day" in April. Perhaps may will be a better month. Besides, that rhymes - Blog-a-day in May.

For now, here's a quick recap on where we are:

• Alice's Adventures in Wonderland opens on Thursday closes Saturday.
• We still have stuff to finish - yikes!
• But the kids are doing really well and I think we have a show!
• The doggies are great
• Jacko is still crazy smart
• We've discovered Cody's pretty dumb. Good news, he's learning. Bad news, he's a really, really slow learner
• We are taking some of the blame for Cody's slow learning. We haven't had the time to work with him like we did Jacko. As soon as the show is over he'll get more of my time and attention.
• 42 student school days left.

Growing friendships

When Ricky and I were planning our wedding, I came across TheKnot.com and joined the message boards there. It was a great community at the time, and many of us stuck together but moved off the boards after our weddings. You see, we were the first wave of brides to use The Knot and they hadn't yet developed a place for newlyweds, so we made our own (The Knot has since developed both The Nest and The Bump, for expectant mothers). We moved to an MSN board...and then another MSN board...and then another. Then MSN shut down so we moved to Lefora. We got a lot of viruses from Lefora so we ended up buying our own domain, which is hosted by one of our members. It's a great community most of the time.

Anyway, a year or so ago I discovered that one of the members lives about 15 minutes from us. We started chatting and becoming friendly. We became Facebook friends, and then last summer she and her other half bought our dresser from us. It was the first time we'd met them, and we all stood in the driveway and talked for at least an hour.

Since then we've developed a great friendship with them. They are such a blessing in our lives, and I hope that we are to them as well. We enjoy many of the same things, have many of the same opinions and outlooks on life, but have vastly different backgrounds and experiences. It has been so fun getting to know them. I look forward to so many more game nights, dinners out, and great conversations.

Sprouting Hair

No, this isn't about filling in a bald spot or growing hair in places we shouldn't. It's about, of all things, our dogs.

Cody and Jacko are both black, medium length haired dogs. They both shed like crazy. Not just in the spring, but all. the. time. Which means we have insane amounts of hair in our house. We sweep and vacuum, vacuum and sweep, but it just never seems to go away. And it sprouts up everywhere. I find furballs in the most random places, like in a dresser drawer.

We've been trying to keep up on it. Those who know us well know we are not the world' best house keepers...not by a long shot. But we are trying. It's hard though, when you sweep it all up and it all looks great...and then not 10 seconds later you see a little doggie tumbleweed blowin' down the hall.

Perhaps a razor would be best?

NaBloPoMo for April

I probably shouldn't, but I'm going to try writing once a day every day for the month of April. With a show opening April 21, this should be interesting. The NaBloPoMo theme for April is "Sprouts," so I may try to stay loosely to that theme...or not. We'll see!

Catching up

I'm not going to write a lot because I'm tired and it's late and Ricky's in bed and I really just want to crawl in and cuddle, but I feel the need to make a quick list of things on which I need to blog. So, here goes.

• We got a second dog
• I'm working on show #2 for the year at school
• I got new glasses
• IKEA is cool

I guess that's it. I feel like there are a lot more things. I really need to commit to blogging daily; perhaps I'll make that commitment for April. I do promise to at least come back and update you on Cody-Bear, our new pup.

A Leisurely Swim

I am crazy. My coworkers are crazy. We are middle school teachers, we are certifiably insane. So insane that we voluntarily jumped in a river today.

That's right. We jumped in the Columbia river by choice, in the middle of February. The water was a balmy 39 degrees. We went for a short swim, then ran to change, and promised we'd do it again next year.

Let's start at the beginning. A couple months ago, I got a note from my coworker asking if I'd join her Polar Plunge team. The thing with Barb is no one can say no to her. She's not intimidating, but she's our work mommy, and we just can't say no. So when she asked, I suddenly forgot how much I hate to be cold, how being wet and cold is about the worst possible thing in my world, and said I'd do it.

Fast forward to a couple weeks ago. Suddenly I realized the month of the plunge had arrived. Until that point, I'd been blissfully in denial of what I'd committed to. I quickly did my fundraising and thanks to my generous friends and family raised over $250 in donations for Special Olympics Oregon. I got my gear together and made plans with my coworkers. And suddenly, Feb 12 was upon us and there was no turning back.

There was an early registration the evening of Feb 11, but I had an improv night at school so I couldn't go. One of my dear friends and coworkers offered to go to the morning registration with me, even though she had done the early registration and it meant getting up early. What a great friend! So this morning I got up and drove to her house, bearing coffee. We packed all our stuff into her car and took off for Broughton Beach on the Oregon side of the Columbia River.

Registration started at 8:30 and we got there at 8:45 as we'd been warned of long lines. Apparently we were the only ones concerned about the wait because we walked right up to the registration table. I was signed in and ready to go by 9 am! The plunge didn't start until 11, so we had a couple of hours to kill.

We spent the first half hour playing the Wii game "Rabbids" in the Game Truck. How cool, and what a fun idea! We killed a lot of time and had a blast doing it. About the time we realized there was a line starting to form for entrance to the truck, we got a text from Barb, our fearless leader, saying she and her husband, also a coworker, had arrived. We met them and then made the rounds of food. We had clam chowder provided by Salty's restaurant, macaroni and cheese provided by Noodles and Co., hot chocolate provided by Clear Wireless. There was also ribs from Dave's Famous BBQ and pizza from Papa Murphy's, but we skipped out on those - we were too full from the other stuff! After the food we played rock band, provided by 98.7 KUPL. After one song we realized it was time to line up, so we headed for the plunge.

I don't really know how to describe the plunge. It's terrifying and awesome, amazing and difficult all at once. The anticipation was definitely worse than the plunge itself. I had that "oh crap" feeling in my stomach, the same one I get before big roller coaster rides. When our team name was called, we ran down to the beach, arranged our towels and coats so we could immediately warm ourselves upon getting out of the water, and lined up to plunge.

5...4...3...2...1!

Suddenly I was in near-freezing water. The next thing I knew, my shoes came off my feet (darn crocs!) but I knew I had to just keep moving forward. I swam out to the divers, and about the time I got to them (the turn around point), I started having trouble breathing. I turned and swam as hard as I could for the shore, knowing that getting out of the water was the only thing that would make my breathing return to normal. On the way back in I managed to snag my shoes. I got out of the water and ran for my towel, wrapping it and my robe around my shoulders. It sounds crazy, but getting that on provided instant relief. We grabbed our things and headed for the changing tents. On our way, one of my coworkers got stopped for an interview by a TV station!

Once we were changed the adrenaline started to wear off and we all headed for home. It was exhausting and incredible, thrilling, bone chilling, and something that I am so proud of. I still can't believe I did it. I hate the cold, I hate being wet and cold even more, and yet I managed it. We're already planning for next year!

Brinner

Brinner, also known as breakfast for dinner, is one of my favorite things to make when I don't have any clue what to have for dinner. It's fast, and easy, and hey - who doesn't love breakfast?! So tonight when I realized we had chicken but nothing to go with it, I decided pancakes sounded a lot better than a hunk of chicken with no sides. I've always preferred pancakes from scratch, and sometime last year I found Jamie Oliver's "one cup pancakes." It's all we've used since. Best part? It's the easiest recipe I've ever made!

One Cup Pancakes
One egg
12 oz mug of flour
12 oz mug of milk
1 tsp baking powder
1 tbs sugar
butter

Heat butter in frying pan over medium to medium-high heat. While that's heating, mix the egg, flour, milk, baking powder and sugar in a bowl. When the pan is hot and butter is fully melted, pour batter into pan using 1/2c measuring cup. Cook until edges are dry and bubbles form in the center, then flip. Yields about 8 pancakes.

I serve these with homemade syrup. I can't really give you a recipe; it's melted butter, brown sugar, and a smidge of water, but I have no idea of the measurements or even the ratios. I learned it from my mom and it's one of her famous "till it looks/tastes right" recipes.