A crazy busy happy life

Tough times

2011-11-29T20:28:00.000-08:00

Things around here are bleh. For one, I think my "winter blues" (yes, I'm technically diagnosed with SAD but I hate saying it) are worse this year than they've been in the past.

Secondly, both dogs are having health issues that are scary and unpredictable and I hate that. They're my babies, I want to protect them!

Third, I'm having anxiety about every. little. thing. Everything feels like this huge weight on my shoulders and I'm stressing about everything and nothing. It sucks. I'm guessing it's a byproduct of items 1 and 2.

So - puppy health. First, Jacko has what's called a 3rd degree heart block or complete heart block. The two parts of his heart (atria and ventricles) don't talk and his heart rate is incredibly low. There is no cure. The options are to do nothing or do a very pricey pacemaker surgery and hope it helps. After hearing the cost of the surgery and doing some research on the risks, we've decided against it. So now we just wait for him to die. I know that sounds awful, but it's true. He is going to die, sooner rather than later, and all we can do is wait and watch and love on him a lot while he's still here. It's a fairly rare condition so there's not a ton of information on it, but the research there is tells us we have anywhere from a week to 6 months or so with our beloved pup.

While that's all happening, Cody decided it'd be cool to be epileptic. He had a grand mal seizure at 3 am on Black Friday, scaring Ricky and I half to death. He's fine now, and the current treatment is "watch and wait." The medication to prevent seizures has enough side effects, and serious enough side effects, that the vet advised we not use them unless he's having more than one seizure every 3 months. As far as we know, the seizure he had on Friday was his first, so for now we're just waiting and hoping it doesn't happen again.

Add all that to the crappy weather and you can understand why every little thing is stressing me out. I need a vacation from my life.

My Shellac Experience

2011-09-19T21:50:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I decided to give the new shellac nail polish a chance. I'm a lifetime nail biter and I thought this might be just the thing to help me stop, since I don't bite when I have polish on my nails. Unfortunately, traditional polish lasts approximately 7.6 seconds outside the salon before I screw it up, whereas the shellac is said to last for 2 weeks without chipping or peeling and it's dry before you walk out the door.

The process begins the same as a normal manicure. You soak, you get your cuticles pushed back and trimmed, your nails are filed and buffed. It's when the basecoat comes out that things change. Between each coat of base coat, polish, and topcoat, your hands are put into a small UV dryer. I lovingly refer to it as the nail tanning bed. Without the UV dryer, the polish will never dry! It's essentially baking the polish onto your nails. The dry time for each coat is about 4 minutes.

How do I like it? I tell you what - this stuff is amazing! It does not last a full two weeks for me, not because the polish looks bad but because my nails grow so fast that by the two week mark I have a full 1/4 to 1/2 inch of new growth, and that just looks silly. I love that I can walk out of the salon with dry nails - no smudging it when I open the car door, yay! I love that I can be rough on my hands, as usual, and the polish holds up to the challenge. I love that I appear to have quit biting my nails!

Now, about those nasty rumors that shellac will ruin your nails: according to the nail tech I've been seeing, there are two kinds of "long lasting" polish, the shellac and another called gel nails or Gelife. She said they tried switched to the gel because it was a lot cheaper and significantly faster, with a UV dry time of only 30 seconds for each coat. She said that at first they loved it, but then they realized that on a client's 2nd or 3rd time with the gel, their nails were completely ruined. She beliefs it's because the gel isn't as high quality as the shellac. While the shellac is more expensive and takes more time, the salon I patronize prefers it because they believe strongly that it's much healthier for the nails - so much so that they threw away all the gel polish and switched back solely to the shellac!

After about 10 days, I notice that the edges of the polish are starting to lift. This also happens to coincide with the noticeable growout, so I've been attributing the lifting with the fact that the polish is no longer butted up to the nail bed. If I'm good and don't pick, it's fine and not noticeable unless you get really close. When I'm bad and can't leave it alone, I notice that peeling the polish off is not great for my nails as it seems to take some of the top layer of the nail with it. I do not notice that it significantly weakens my nails if I have the shellac removed the proper way, however.

Speaking of the proper way, to have the shellac removed, the nails are soaked in acetone and then the shellac is easy to push off the nail. This is not something I've ever tried at home, and I don't intend to. The salon will remove it free of charge, no appointment or new manicure necessary.

Adjusting, one day at a time

2011-08-03T23:21:00.000-07:00

About a month ago, Ricky switched positions within his company and is now working nights. This is a big switch for us. He worked nights when we were first married, so I figured it would be no big deal, but apparently years of him working the same basic schedule as me made me forget how hard it can be.

As I said, it's been just over a month and I feel like we're finally hitting our stride in how all of this works. Of course, it will all change again in a month when I go back to school, but for now we seem to be adjusting and adapting - finally. It was hard on all of us, dogs included.

Right now our schedule tends to be that I get up around 6 to let the dogs out - if it's light outside they think they need to be out there. I go back to bed until 8 or 9 when I get up for the day, feed the dogs, and get started on whatever projects I have (during NISE, I just got up at 6, let the dogs out, then let them back in and fed them before I left at 7:15).

Around noon, Ricky rolls out of bed. If I'm home, we hang out, but more often than not I'm not home. He lets the dogs out again and then does whatever he needs to around the house until it's time for him to leave for work.

When I get home, I let the dogs out, then let them back in for their dinner. While they're eating, I make my own dinner and eat. Sometime in the evening, after it's cooled off outside, the three of us head out to the backyard where I read my book and the pups play. I'm usually in bed by the time Ricky gets home, at which point Jacko stays in the bedroom with me and Cody joins Ricky wherever he is.

Our poor dogs went from going out and coming back in once in the morning and once in the evening to this weird, seemingly random in and out routine. Jacko especially wasn't adjusting well, especially since it took Ricky and me several weeks to figure out what the new routine was. Now that we've figured it out, he's doing a lot better, but for a while we were dealing with a pouty, whiny dog who just wanted to chew up all the paper in the house.

I will say, I'm enjoying my evening reading time. It's nice to be outside in the cool air, and even though I'm not an active participant in the dogs' playtime, it seems to be enough for them that I'm just there, which goes a long way to reduce the neediness they exude once we're back inside. How all this will play out in the school year, especially in the winter, I don't know. For now, we're just taking it a day at a time.

A song in my heart and a tear in my eye

2011-04-17T23:44:00.000-07:00

Show time = stress time, and for me stress time = dredging up old emotions and feeling all kinds of sad and melancholy.

It stands to reason, since we just had the anniversaries of all 3 grandparents' passing, that I'd be missing them tonight. This song kept coming up for me as I sat here working on variousAlice projects. So I listened, had a good cry, and then decided to share.

Oops!

2011-04-17T12:51:00.000-07:00

Well, so much for "blog-a-day" in April. Perhaps may will be a better month. Besides, that rhymes - Blog-a-day in May.

For now, here's a quick recap on where we are:

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland opens on Thursday closes Saturday.
We still have stuff to finish - yikes!
But the kids are doing really well and I think we have a show!
The doggies are great
Jacko is still crazy smart
We've discovered Cody's pretty dumb. Good news, he's learning. Bad news, he's a really, really slow learner
We are taking some of the blame for Cody's slow learning. We haven't had the time to work with him like we did Jacko. As soon as the show is over he'll get more of my time and attention.
42 student school days left.

Growing friendships

2011-04-03T01:04:00.000-07:00

When Ricky and I were planning our wedding, I came across TheKnot.com and joined the message boards there. It was a great community at the time, and many of us stuck together but moved off the boards after our weddings. You see, we were the first wave of brides to use The Knot and they hadn't yet developed a place for newlyweds, so we made our own (The Knot has since developed both The Nest and The Bump, for expectant mothers). We moved to an MSN board...and then another MSN board...and then another. Then MSN shut down so we moved to Lefora. We got a lot of viruses from Lefora so we ended up buying our own domain, which is hosted by one of our members. It's a great community most of the time.

Anyway, a year or so ago I discovered that one of the members lives about 15 minutes from us. We started chatting and becoming friendly. We became Facebook friends, and then last summer she and her other half bought our dresser from us. It was the first time we'd met them, and we all stood in the driveway and talked for at least an hour.

Since then we've developed a great friendship with them. They are such a blessing in our lives, and I hope that we are to them as well. We enjoy many of the same things, have many of the same opinions and outlooks on life, but have vastly different backgrounds and experiences. It has been so fun getting to know them. I look forward to so many more game nights, dinners out, and great conversations.

Sprouting Hair

2011-04-02T01:00:00.000-07:00

No, this isn't about filling in a bald spot or growing hair in places we shouldn't. It's about, of all things, our dogs.

Cody and Jacko are both black, medium length haired dogs. They both shed like crazy. Not just in the spring, but all. the. time. Which means we have insane amounts of hair in our house. We sweep and vacuum, vacuum and sweep, but it just never seems to go away. And it sprouts up everywhere. I find furballs in the most random places, like in a dresser drawer.

We've been trying to keep up on it. Those who know us well know we are not the world' best house keepers...not by a long shot. But we are trying. It's hard though, when you sweep it all up and it all looks great...and then not 10 seconds later you see a little doggie tumbleweed blowin' down the hall.

Perhaps a razor would be best?

NaBloPoMo for April

2011-04-01T00:59:00.000-07:00

I probably shouldn't, but I'm going to try writing once a day every day for the month of April. With a show opening April 21, this should be interesting. The NaBloPoMo theme for April is "Sprouts," so I may try to stay loosely to that theme...or not. We'll see!

Catching up

2011-03-27T00:23:00.001-07:00

I'm not going to write a lot because I'm tired and it's late and Ricky's in bed and I really just want to crawl in and cuddle, but I feel the need to make a quick list of things on which I need to blog. So, here goes.

We got a second dog
I'm working on show #2 for the year at school
I got new glasses
IKEA is cool

I guess that's it. I feel like there are a lot more things. I really need to commit to blogging daily; perhaps I'll make that commitment for April. I do promise to at least come back and update you on Cody-Bear, our new pup.

A Leisurely Swim

2011-02-12T21:33:00.000-08:00

I am crazy. My coworkers are crazy. We are middle school teachers, we are certifiably insane. So insane that we voluntarily jumped in a river today.

That's right. We jumped in the Columbia river by choice, in the middle of February. The water was a balmy 39 degrees. We went for a short swim, then ran to change, and promised we'd do it again next year.

Let's start at the beginning. A couple months ago, I got a note from my coworker asking if I'd join her Polar Plunge team. The thing with Barb is no one can say no to her. She's not intimidating, but she's our work mommy, and we just can't say no. So when she asked, I suddenly forgot how much I hate to be cold, how being wet and cold is about the worst possible thing in my world, and said I'd do it.

Fast forward to a couple weeks ago. Suddenly I realized the month of the plunge had arrived. Until that point, I'd been blissfully in denial of what I'd committed to. I quickly did my fundraising and thanks to my generous friends and family raised over $250 in donations for Special Olympics Oregon. I got my gear together and made plans with my coworkers. And suddenly, Feb 12 was upon us and there was no turning back.

There was an early registration the evening of Feb 11, but I had an improv night at school so I couldn't go. One of my dear friends and coworkers offered to go to the morning registration with me, even though she had done the early registration and it meant getting up early. What a great friend! So this morning I got up and drove to her house, bearing coffee. We packed all our stuff into her car and took off for Broughton Beach on the Oregon side of the Columbia River.

Registration started at 8:30 and we got there at 8:45 as we'd been warned of long lines. Apparently we were the only ones concerned about the wait because we walked right up to the registration table. I was signed in and ready to go by 9 am! The plunge didn't start until 11, so we had a couple of hours to kill.

We spent the first half hour playing the Wii game "Rabbids" in the Game Truck. How cool, and what a fun idea! We killed a lot of time and had a blast doing it. About the time we realized there was a line starting to form for entrance to the truck, we got a text from Barb, our fearless leader, saying she and her husband, also a coworker, had arrived. We met them and then made the rounds of food. We had clam chowder provided by Salty's restaurant, macaroni and cheese provided by Noodles and Co., hot chocolate provided by Clear Wireless. There was also ribs from Dave's Famous BBQ and pizza from Papa Murphy's, but we skipped out on those - we were too full from the other stuff! After the food we played rock band, provided by 98.7 KUPL. After one song we realized it was time to line up, so we headed for the plunge.

I don't really know how to describe the plunge. It's terrifying and awesome, amazing and difficult all at once. The anticipation was definitely worse than the plunge itself. I had that "oh crap" feeling in my stomach, the same one I get before big roller coaster rides. When our team name was called, we ran down to the beach, arranged our towels and coats so we could immediately warm ourselves upon getting out of the water, and lined up to plunge.

5...4...3...2...1!

Suddenly I was in near-freezing water. The next thing I knew, my shoes came off my feet (darn crocs!) but I knew I had to just keep moving forward. I swam out to the divers, and about the time I got to them (the turn around point), I started having trouble breathing. I turned and swam as hard as I could for the shore, knowing that getting out of the water was the only thing that would make my breathing return to normal. On the way back in I managed to snag my shoes. I got out of the water and ran for my towel, wrapping it and my robe around my shoulders. It sounds crazy, but getting that on provided instant relief. We grabbed our things and headed for the changing tents. On our way, one of my coworkers got stopped for an interview by a TV station!

Once we were changed the adrenaline started to wear off and we all headed for home. It was exhausting and incredible, thrilling, bone chilling, and something that I am so proud of. I still can't believe I did it. I hate the cold, I hate being wet and cold even more, and yet I managed it. We're already planning for next year!

Brinner

2011-01-31T21:12:00.000-08:00

Brinner, also known as breakfast for dinner, is one of my favorite things to make when I don't have any clue what to have for dinner. It's fast, and easy, and hey - who doesn't love breakfast?! So tonight when I realized we had chicken but nothing to go with it, I decided pancakes sounded a lot better than a hunk of chicken with no sides. I've always preferred pancakes from scratch, and sometime last year I found Jamie Oliver's "one cup pancakes." It's all we've used since. Best part? It's the easiest recipe I've ever made!

One Cup Pancakes
One egg
12 oz mug of flour
12 oz mug of milk
1 tsp baking powder
1 tbs sugar
butter

Heat butter in frying pan over medium to medium-high heat. While that's heating, mix the egg, flour, milk, baking powder and sugar in a bowl. When the pan is hot and butter is fully melted, pour batter into pan using 1/2c measuring cup. Cook until edges are dry and bubbles form in the center, then flip. Yields about 8 pancakes.

I serve these with homemade syrup. I can't really give you a recipe; it's melted butter, brown sugar, and a smidge of water, but I have no idea of the measurements or even the ratios. I learned it from my mom and it's one of her famous "till it looks/tastes right" recipes.

A high tech, power-filled Christmas

2010-12-27T23:32:00.000-08:00

Another Christmas has come and gone. It was bittersweet this year; I always love Christmas, but the first Christmas without my grandma was hard. I haven't seen her on Christmas in about 10 years, but it's the fact that she wasn't there to shop for, or to talk to on Christmas day. I had a really rough day a couple of days before Christmas. I was out finishing up the last of our shopping and saw a lot of things that Grandma would have loved, things she would have tried to get me to like too, and then we would have argued over them...And everywhere I went I heard Christmas carols, and I couldn't help but hear her soprano voice harmonizing every song...Add that to the fact that we've scheduled her placement in the mausoleum and it made for a difficult day.

But Christmas came...well, sort of. You see, Ricky had to work on Christmas day, so we moved all our celebrations up a day, to Christmas Eve, which really threw me off. I've been a day off ever since!

Anyway, it was a nice holiday. We spent Christmas Eve morning with my parents, pretending it was Christmas Day, and they really spoiled us. Ricky received a skill saw and a saws-all, along with some much needed items like new socks and a balaclava. I am now the proud owner of a sewing machine! I am excited to try something beyond pillowcases (of which I made several tonight).

That evening we went to Ricky's parents' and had Christmas with them, Ricky's two sisters and their families. We enjoyed the traditional Christmas Eve meal of pizza and oyster stew and opened packages. The 3 year old nephews had a blast drawing on the easels we gave them; in fact, it kept them entertained long enough for the adults to play a game uninterrupted!

Afterward we went home and opened our gifts to one another, which is where my biggest surprise came in. First, you must know that my husband is the cheapest human being on the planet. Secondly, you need to understand that he hates to read and doesn't understand how anyone could like it, which leads him to merciless teasing of my love of reading. So when I opened up a box that held a Kindle, well, I was shocked. I've already loaded the thing up with 30ish free books and am about halfway through the first book. I'm loving this thing and already spent some Christmas money to buy a cover with integrated light.

Overall it was a very nice holiday. We had the chance to spend time with family and friends, received some very thoughtful and surprising gifts, and enjoyed the time together.

With that, I'm off to bed. I'll read on my Kindle for a while and then get rested so I can attempt to make an apron on my new sewing machine tomorrow!

The skirt is in!

2010-12-17T19:47:00.000-08:00

I got my Christmas tree skirt back today! For those who many not remember, this is what it looked like before, in the form of a dress. I like to call this Christmas Tree Skirt: The Prequel

Here it is with the tree. Notice there are lights but no ornaments. This is because I am lazy.

Closer up, so you can see the detailing

And another close up because I wasn't happy with how the skirt was laying (lying?) in the previous picture.

I am absolutely thrilled with the results and am so glad I thought to do this! If you've been hemming and hawing over what to do with your very own useless but well loved sentimental garment, I highly recommend going the tree skirt route.

Wedding tree skirt!

2010-11-26T10:33:00.000-08:00

Is that a wedding tree skirt? Why yes, yes it is!

Uh, what's a wedding tree skirt?

Well, it's when you use your 8 year old never going to be worn again wedding dress and make a Christmas tree skirt out of it. Which I have an appointment for today. Wahoo!

Thankful

2010-11-26T10:23:00.000-08:00

As yesterday was Thanksgiving, I thought I should take some time and write about the things for which I am thankful.

I am thankful for my awesome husband. He is a great match for me in so many ways. He pushes me, challenges me, supports and encourages me. He is always up for a debate, but he'll also gladly just listen. He makes costumes and builds sets because he knows it's what I love to do and he wants to help me. He's a pretty cool guy and I like having him around.

I am thankful for my parents. I seriously have the best parents ever. They are always willing to help in anyway they can. They let me major in theatre (what were they thinking?!). They call me just to talk, they hang out with me and go shopping with me. They drive me around in snow storms. They're pretty amazing people and I'd like to keep them around for a good long time too.

I am thankful for my job. I love my job. Adore it. How did I get so lucky? I get to combine the art I love with my passion for kids and have fun all day long. I have such a supportive boss. He is willing to take a chance and try new things with my students. And my students - they are wonderful. I learn so much from them everyday. They are pretty awesome people too. And really, who gets to say that they love the people they work with, they love going to work, they love spending extra time at work?! But I do, and for that I am so, so grateful.

I am thankful for my family. Not just my mom and dad, but my extended family. I am so blessed to have family with which I am close, family that I genuinely like, and family that cares about me. I am especially thankful that not only does my family accept me and all my strange quirks, but they've opened their arms to my husband. From the beginning he was look at as a grandchild and cousin, and I love my family for that.

I am thankful for my in-laws. It's amazing that you can take two people and all their family history and traditions and put them together and expect them to lives peacefully. But so far we have (mostly), and I think a lot of that is because my in-laws raised an incredible human being in my husband, and they are very welcoming and accepting of me. Ricky and I are very different from them in a lot of ways, but that's ok, they love us for who we are and are willing to support and encourage us in anyway they can.

I am thankful for egg nog. And Christmas trees. And pretty much the whole holiday season. I love this time of year. I am so excited for it to be here again. In just 2.5 weeks Ricky and I will be celebrating our 8th anniversary, and that makes me happy. Then we have Christmas and all the excitement that comes with it, then New Year's and then my birthday. I just love the excitement and wonder of this season and I'm so grateful to live in a plase where I can have all that.

I have so many wonderful things to be thankful for. What are you thankful for this holiday season?

It's official. I'm crazy.

2010-11-11T23:38:00.000-08:00

I'm sure some of you are thinking, "oh, you just now figured that out?!" But let me explain.

I've never understood how people give up their dogs. I just don't get it. Jacko is so much a part of our family...he is like our child. No, we don't call ourselves Mommy and Daddy, either to him or to each other (or anyone else for that matter), and yes I realize he's "just a dog," but our relationship with him is that of child-parent in many ways. He loves us, and shows is constantly. He depends on us to provide the things he needs. He wants to play, and doesn't like to take no for an answer. He pouts when he's mad, he hides when he's scared...he is, for all intents and purposes, a toddler.

So it baffles me that people can put their dogs up for adoption, saying things like, "we can't bear to get rid of him but we just have to. Our lives are too hectic and he's not getting enough attention."

Um, excuse me, but would you give your CHILD up if they weren't getting enough attention? Doubtful. You'd cut back your hours at work, you'd find a daycare where they'd be stimulated, you'd work alternate hours, whatever it took, right? RIGHT?

So how is this dog, who relies on you for everything, who just wants to love you and be loved in return, this dog you CHOSE to be a part of your family...how is he any different?

Everyone says, "it's not the same." And I suppose it's not, to most people. But to me it is. I can't imagine handing my Jacko-pea over to someone else because life got hectic. Life HAS gotten hectic, and yet we've still foudn a way to give him attention and exercise. I will not give my puppy away, because to me, that's like giving away a part of me.

A man and his gun

2010-10-31T23:56:00.000-07:00

Dad and Ricky are getting ready to go hunting. Ricky's boss also hunts, and is currently on his hunting trip. At first Ricky thought he'd be a hunter for Halloween, and then we thought, "why not go redneck?" Ricky's boss, Tony, gets teased about being a redneck by his employees, so Ricky decided he would just be Tony for Halloween. I can tell you that this is an extreme version, but everyone found it very funn.

Fake teeth, a bummed smoke, and an empty beer can in Boss Man's favorite brand

A better shot of the gun, which Ricky made from scrap wood we had at home, and the gunsling, made from duct tape!

B-O-R-E-D

2010-10-23T21:07:00.001-07:00

Seriously. There is nothing on tv, I'm all caught up on hulu, there are no movies worth renting, I don't have any books...I hate days/nights like this!

There isn't much going on. We had auditions for The Velveteen Rabbit a couple weeks ago and it's all cast. We started blocking this week. The kids are also working in their production groups on the tech side of things. Today I spent 4 hours with 5 of my kids, rearranging, organizing and cataloguing all of the props, costumes and set pieces. They even cleaned my desk (this will make my vice principal VERY happy)! I really do have the best students.

Otherwise, I got nothin'. I think a part of my melancholy is that it's the end of October. It's getting light later in the morning and dark earlier in the evening. It's currently pouring down rain (or at least it was a few earlier this evening). I feel all kinds of "blah." I need something to do but have no idea what. Ugh.

How's that for a random and boring blog post?!

My Ethical Dilemma

2010-10-09T17:06:00.000-07:00

When Ricky and I were dating, we looked for a church home together. It was important to us that we find a place we could grow as a couple. We found that home in Abundant Life Church, and it was a great place for us for about 5 years. After a while, though, we realized it was becoming something with which we weren't comfortable. It was becoming a "mega-church."

I've written about mega churches before. Ricky and I are very much against them. It becomes a performance, an act, and we don't like that at all. When the focus turns to how to make the service bigger better and more, the true purpose of our worship goes out the window. Everyone wants to be popular, it's true, but when a church gets too popular, when it's goal is to be cool instead of to educate and guide...well, there's a problem.

We left Abundant Life for many reasons. We were concerned that our tithe money, money given to the church in order to help those who needed it, was being used for things other than helping others in God's kingdom. We weren't cool with the thought of our money being used to buy new Fresnels or video equipment. We wanted to know that it was going to feed God's people, to clothe them and help them pay their bills, and we weren't convinced that was happening at Abundant Life.

We were also convicted that we needed to be worshipping in our own neighborhood, with our neighbors. It was taking us 30-45 minutes to commute to ALC, using resources that we felt could and should be used in other ways.

We looked around and realized the answer was right there the whole time - Milwaukie Christian Church, the church in which I grew up, where I had friends, where we were married. A church that could use the help of it's neighbors, a church in a neighborhood that could use it's help. So we made the switch and never looked back. We were happy there.

A couple of years ago, though, Ricky's work schedule changed and he began to work Sundays from 8-4. In the past two years, I can easily count on one hand the number of Sundays he's had off without having specifically requested it for some reason - and generally, if he requests a Sunday off, it's because we've got some event or will be out of town. So he's not able to go to church, and I don't like to go without him. I should, I know, but I don't like to. Which means, in the past two years, neither of us has gone to church very much.

Last week we started talking about finding a church with an evening service. Ours doesn't have one, and I'm not sure we have the demand to create one. They've tried in the past and the turnout wasn't great, so I don't think asking for one at our own church is an option. Apparently, very few churches in our area do evening services, as it's been really hard to find.

Finally, tonight, I stumbled upon one. Sunday evenings at 6 pm, about 10-15 minutes from our house. The only problem is, it's at a mega church. A church built to seat 2200 in it's main sanctuary. Granted, this service takes place in a smaller room, one only built for 500. This is a church with video equipment and a mess of lighting equipment...the list goes on and on. Are they doing great things? Possibly, maybe even probably. But are we comfortable with the things they choose to buy? I don't know that I can say I am, and I'm sure Ricky would be even less so.

So the question remains - do we try out a mega church, a place where we're not 100% on board with their practices but where we can worship together on a regular basis, or do we stay at a church we love with people we love but where Ricky can never attend and, because of that, I rarely do?

Yikes!

2010-09-22T23:24:00.000-07:00

Two and a half months? Man, I'm awful!

It's late (since when is 11:30 late?! I must be getting old!), so here's a quick update and then I'll write more later...when I have free time...hah!

I'm taking a Zumba class Mondays and Wednesdays. I really like it! Sometimes I get frustrated because, well, I'm not perfect at it the first time and that's always been a struggle for me, but it's good to break out and try something new. Plus, it's an awesome work out and I even was brave enough to go and do it by myself. Yay me!
Mom and Dad celebrated their 40th anniversary. More on that later.
School is going well. My classes are much more reasonable in size - one class is at 29, the others are in the 30s with only one over 40 - and overall things seem to be calmer with the kids. I have high hopes for this year.
My advanced theatre class is amazing. They delight me on a daily basis, yet make me crazy at the same time. I now understand why Carrie Jo used to say she was afraid to be seen with us in public!
Yearbook is actually going really well, also. Much, much better than last year.
The nephew turned 3! I can't believe how big he's getting.
We are expecting another nephew sometime around Nov 6. This new nephew (name to be determined, although right now Jack is the front runner) will join big brother Joseph and cousin Jeremy.

Overall, things are good, but very very busy. Since all these things could really use their own post I'll do some real writing later. For now, bed.

Just Delicious - so true!

2010-07-04T11:50:00.000-07:00

I started Weight Watchers again. Like I said in my last post, I'm tired of being fat and out of shape. I don't like to get winded simply walking up a hill. I'm carrying around too much weight, not exercising enough and not eating right.

At the same time, I have a horrible sweet tooth, inherited from my father and grandmother, and feel the need for something sweet (preferably chocolate!) at least once a day.

I used to fulfill that need with all kinds of processed, chemically filled foods. However, since Ricky and I have started trying to eat more clean, I'm doing everything I can to avoid those things. So what's a girl to do when she wants something sweet, without the checmicals, but low in calories too?

Why, go to Just Delicious Diabietic Bakery, of course!

Just Delicious is a sugar free bakey in Clackamas, OR. it's one of only 8 entirely sugar free bakeries in the country, and they are right - it is Just Delicious.

I heard about it yesterday when I went to a Weight Watchers meeting. People simply raved about it, so I decided I had to give it a try. Thankfully it's not far from home (and is right next door to our gym!), so I made a stop yesterday. Boy, were they right!

So far I've tried the cannoli (3 points), coconut muffin (1 point), chai tea muffin (1 point) oatmeal chocolate chip cookie (1 point) and apple bran muffin (0 points). Everything is about the size of the coffee shop equivalent, so pretty large, but with no sugar it remains low in calories and high in fiber.

The best part? No preservatives, and everything is all natural. And really, really tasty! The coconut muffin, which I had for breakfast yesterday, tastes like cake. Yum. I had the apple bran for breakfast this morning. That plus 6 ounces of grapes and a cup of coffee has kept me full for the past 4 hours. Yesterday, for a treat, I had the cannoli and while the consistency wasn't quite the same as a full sugar cannoli it was delicious and definitely satisfied my sweet tooth.

Even Ricky has loved their products. He ate the oatmeal chocolate chip cookie yesterday (I got a small taste) and found it to be delicious. This morning he had the chai tea muffin for breakfast and enjoyed that as well. We will definitely be frequent visitors of Just Delicious. Maybe I can use it as my motivation to go to the gym, too!

Back in the saddle again

2010-07-04T11:45:00.000-07:00

I hate that I struggle with my weight.

It started when I quit playing ball, really. Oh sure, I always thought I was fat...because I was built bigger than girls I went to school with and I couldn't wear a size 2 after about 2nd grade. I realize now, I wasn't fat. I'm just built that way. I'm built like my dad. I'm built, in essence, like a guy - broad shoulders, wide...but fat? No. Not in high school, not in college.

I'll never be a size 2. I'll be lucky if I can get to a size 12. But for me, that's ok - it's the shape my body is meant to have.

What's not meant to be is all this extra fat I'm carrying around. I'm out of shape, or in the wrong kind of shape, or something.

Playing ball, staying thin was easy. We were working out a lot, running a lot...and eating a lot, but it didn't matter because we burned so many calories. You try pitching 3+ games a weekend and tell me you're not working hard!

The thing is, I hate working out, so when I don't have a reason to...well, I just don't. I've never liked it, and it was always a struggle, but I did it because I knew I had to in order to be better at the sport I loved, in order to excel. Now I have no motivation, no competition, no real reason to do it. Other than my health, of course.

So here I am, back on the wagon. I'm trying to quit eating like I'm playing 5 games a weekend and get back to eating the way I know I'm supposed to. I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life and I hate it. So I'm changing. It's not going to be easy, and I may have setbacks, but I know I can do this.

Now, will someone please remind me of that when I try to quit again?

formspring.me

2010-05-23T20:57:00.001-07:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/LauraRae2

What a lovely Saturday

2010-05-22T11:21:00.000-07:00

This morning, Mom and I got up and did the Milwaukie Daze 5k walk. Milwaukie Daze is a festival in our town that used to be a big deal - carnival rides, vendors hocking their wares, food, and an overall good time. There was even a parade! A few years ago, they started scaling back and then eliminated it all together. It was really a shame, as the parade was fun and the carnival was always a nice time.

This year, the powers that be decided to do a 5k fun run/walk to raise money for Milwaukie Daze. I don't know if it means it will be restored to it's former glory, but perhaps the parade and a smaller version of the carnival will be back. Really, all I want is the food!

Included with our walk registration was entrance to a pancake breakfast afterward. We went, but it was hot and steamy and crowded, not to mention Mom doesn't like pancakes! Instead, we trekked a few blocks down to Sully's Cafe, a great little breakfast and lunch spot in downtown Milwaukie. We had a wonderful breakfast - Mom had corned beef hash, I had the smoked salmon omelette - complete with toast and homemade strawberry jam. Yum!

It really was the perfect start to what could have been a gloomy Saturday. The weather is gray and rainy, but a walk and breakfast with my mom started the day off just right.

Miranda Lambert - The House That Built Me

2010-05-14T19:13:00.000-07:00

As I was driving home tonight, this song came on the radio. As I listened to the words, the tears began to flow. There was no stopping them. As I sit here typing and listening again, again the tears have started.

So why does this song hit me so hard? I loved my grandparents' house in the valley. It was a home they built for two families - one upstairs and one downstairs. My grandma's parents lived downstairs and Grandma and Grandpa lived upstairs. I spent a lot of time there, spending the night with Grandma and Grandpa. I was born the day my great-grandma died, just a few hours later, and I barely remember great-grandpa, but I remember that house with such fondness.

Grandma and Grandpa moved away from there when I was young, maybe 6 or 7, but I've always loved that house. Sometimes I'll drive by, and I always want to knock on the door, explain who I am, and go look around. I know from the window treatments that not much has changed. I want to see if the mint green carpet is still in the dining room and if the black bunny still comes to the backyard. I want to go downstairs and sink my toes into the plush burnt orange carpet. I want to sit on the back deck and watch the fireworks on the 4th of July.

Grandma and Grandpa are both gone now, and somehow getting into that house seems like it'd help in some way. As Miranda Lambert says, "I thought if I could touch this place or feel it, this brokenness inside me might start healing." It's true - I swear if I could just come in I'd leave...won't take nothin' but a memory.

Astroturf and a Hanging Basket

2010-05-08T18:58:00.000-07:00

I am terrible with yard work and plant maintenance. Part of it is black thumbs. Why oh why couldn't I have gotten the garden-growing genes that are in the family?? Part of it is just my overall dislike for doing thing that get my hands dirty or get dirt in my shoes or that get me wet when I don't want to be. I don't like to rake leaves, spread barkdust, plant flowers, water flowers...the list goes on and on. Yet every year, I try. Some years I do keep some things alive, some years everything dies, but every year I think, "this will be the year!" After 7 summers of trying this in my own yard you'd think I'd give up by now, but nope!

When I was little, my general disdain for all things yardwork related led me to say that when I grew up my yard was going to be astroturf and I would have a hanging basket for decor. No weeding, no mowing, just a little water now and again. Perfect. I've always loved Fuschias, so I figured my hanging basket would be a Fuschia, dark purple insides with the hot pink outsides. Of course, I learned very quickly at the old house that we didn't have anyplace shady enough for a Fuschia basket so I couldn't fulfill my dreams.

We've been in the new house nearly 2 years now, and this will be our 3rd summer here. There's no astroturf (although maybe I should mention that to Ricky, he might go for it if I could convince him it'd be less work!) but the first plant I've purchased each year for 3 years now is a Fuschia hanging basket. It always feels like spring is here to stay once I've got my basket hanging by the front door.

Help for Mr. Trildok

2010-04-28T18:25:00.000-07:00

My friend, Brian, is a theatre geek like me. Unlike me, he is a comic book nerd. His nerdiness is not limited to reading though. Oh, no, he writes them too.

Actually, I shouldn't call him a nerd. Well, I should, cause he totally is (love ya Bri!) but it's not because of his writing. He's a very talented writer and story teller, and an all around awesome guy, which is why you should help him.

You see, Brian's very witty comic, Mr Trildok Sings the Blues, is a contestant in the current Zuda Comics contest. Winning will bring him fame, fortune, and a bevy of women at his disposal. Ok, not really, but it will boost his ego and enable him to provide more entertainment via Mr Trildok. Which is why you should vote for him. Here's how:

1) Go to http://www.zudacomics.com/
2) Register with a valid email address. Very important that it be valid.
3) Wait for the email from Zuda. Be patient, it might take a few minutes.
4) Click on second link in the email. That'd be the insanely long one that you're glad is hyperlinked cause you'd never remember the whole thing if you had to type it into your browser.
5) Once you are logged in, click on the Mr Trildok Sings the Blues icon and then

A) Vote for Mr Trildok.
B) Make it one of your favorites
C) Give it 5 out of 5 stars

It is important that you do all of steps A, B and C. All three things add together to give them their rank, so doing all three will help propel them forward that much faster.

They've been jockeying for first with Eldritch and trading positions for a few days now. Your vote, rank and favoritizing will help put them solidly in first, ensuring that Bri---I mean, Mr Trildok --- will live to terrorize another day.

Controlling the controllables

2010-04-24T21:28:00.000-07:00

One of the things that was drilled into my head as a softball player is to "control the controllables." We cannot control the weather, the field conditions, the umpire, the other team....but we can control our own actions, thoughts, and preparation. I cannot control the holes in the outfield, but I can control whether or not I know where they are. I cannot control the umps zone, but I can control where I put the ball. It's all about adapting and adjusting to the conditions of the day that are beyong our control, and controlling things that are controllable.

Ricky and I have decided to begin applying this to our lives. Before, we were kind of living by the "we're all going to die anyway!" philosophy of living. After watching how painful it is to die, or live, with cancer, we've decided that it's time to change that attitude. We have begun controlling the controllables when it comes to what we put into our bodies and our environment.

I cannot control the cancer genes in my family. On my dad's side alone I can count 8 blood related cancer victims. Some beat their cancer, some had multiple episodes, some lost their battle, but all of them are blood relations and most of those cancers were lung or breast. Yikes. I can't change that. Nor can I change the fact that there is a significant history of heart disease in my family. Since I can't change my genes, I'm changing my habits.

I've done a ton of reading on "clean eating" and we've made the switch to eat as many things as possible with as few preservatives or chemicals as we can. This means lots (and lots and lots and lots) of label reading, but it's so worth it. We found delicious crackers at Trader Joe's that are much like Triscuits but so much tastier - and I can pronounce every ingredient in those crackers. In fact, I know where to find all of the ingredients in a grocery store.

It's amazing how much of the food we consume has preservatives and chemicals in it. We would never put those things in if we were making a recipe from a cookbook, so why do we accept it in our store bought foods?

I've also been watching Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution. What a great show! He's right - we need to change the way we eat in America. So no more processed cheese foods. No more Chicken nugget shaped patties. Just cheese, and chicken, and everything else that I can pronounce. As Jamie said on the last episode of his show, "If you read the ingredient list and it sounds like a NASA experiment, don't buy it! If it sounds like your nana's pantry - eggs, flour, that sort of thing - then rock and roll!"

So that's what we're trying to do. And now, a list of some of the products that we think "rock and roll."

Newman-O's Hint of Mint Cookies
Trader Joe's Reduced Guilt Brownies
Trader Joe's Reduced Guilt Woven Wheat Crackers
Haagen Dazs Five Ice Cream
Trader Joe's Organic Cinnamon Spice Instant Oatmeal
Whole Wheat Pasta (any brand, just be sure it's truly whole wheat pasta; the only ingredient should be Whole Wheat or Semolina flour)
Spinach Pasta (same deal as the wheat, but the ingredient should be spinach)
Trader Joe's Crushers Fruit Sauce in Apple Carrot

We're new at this, so we're still trying various products, but so far so good. We have yet to try something we didn't like. Thankfully, we were already fairly wholesome in our dinner foods, it was breakfast and lunch that needed some help, as well as our snacks and sweets. I was pretty much living off of Jimmy Dean D-Lites bowls and sandwiches for breakfast and Lean Cuisines or Smart Ones for lunch. Those 100 Calorie packs were pretty much an every day staple, and I just don't think it was good. Now I have a higher calorie dessert, but I know the ingredients going into my body are natural and much higher quality. Plus, a little bit of something really good goes a long way (and those 100 calorie packs aren't really all that good, in comparison).

We've still got a ways to go, but it's been fun so far. We're not going to be hardcore about it - if we want to go out to eat, we will, and if we decide we want a delctable chemical filled snack, then we'll have it. After tasting all these great new choices, though, I can honestly say I have no desire for any of that stuff. The new things are much tastier.

"How're you doing?"

2010-04-22T23:03:00.001-07:00

Everyday, people ask "how're you doing?" with that little smile that says "I'm so sorry for you." While I appreciate the thoughts, how I'm doing is a little hard to explain. Everyday, having lost my grandma is there in the back of my mind. It's not like it's something I ever am not thinking about, it's always there. But sometimes, it suddenly hits me. Like, when I realize I no longer have to clarify when I tell my mom I talked to Grandma. Or when I hear an ad for something and think, "ooh, Grandma would love that." Or when I log on to my FTD account and look at my order history and see a bouquet I sent her in September. It hits me, as if from out of nowhere, even though it's always lurking in the back of my mind.

Someone posted this poem on facebook today. It made me cry because it is so true. It is completely how I feel, and maybe it will answer the question, "How're you doing?"

I wish Heaven had a phone so I could hear your voice again.
I thought of you today, but that is nothing new.
I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too.
I think of you in silence, I often speak your name.
All I have are memories and a picture in a frame.
Your memory is a keepsake, from which I'll never part.
God has you in his arms, I have you in my heart.

Remembering

2010-04-09T23:50:00.000-07:00

As far back as I can remember, my grandma and I spent time together. Whether they lived in the house in the valley, the apartment, or the house next door to us, Grandma always had everything just so, with a place for everything and everything neat and tidy in it's place. There was once a tshirt that was popular in those silly gift catalogs that showed a woman with a vacuum cleaner, vacuuming the leaves off the trees in the fall. I laughed every time I saw it because it was my grandma to a tee.

When I was little, I would often spend the night at Grandmd and Grandpa's. At bath time Gramma would pull out a small bottle with blue liquid. Somehow this was both bubble bath and shampoo. I have no idea what it was, but it was part of our bathtime ritual. Once I was in the bubble bath we would sing “Little Sir Echo” together. After washing my hair and rinsing it in running water from the tap of the bathtub, I would get out and Grandma would wrap me in two towel; one for my hair, the other for my body. How I loved those big, soft, fluffy burnt orange towels with the butterfly emblems!

Grandma loved music and performing, and she passed that love onto me. I loved to see the costumes she wore when she sang with the Sweet Adeline’s, and she loved to recount the stories of her time in the group. It was not uncommon to find the two of us around the piano, playing and singing for hours. It is because of her that I know songs like “Mairzy Doats” and all of the words to "You Are My Sunshine". I learned how to play the piano, though I never loved it the way Grandma did, and to read music. I can remember being at their house and paging through her books, looking for a song that was my skill level. I always found things to play, and Grandma never seemed to mind that I played such simple songs or that I often only played the right hand part. Of course, she had to harmonize anytime we sang anything, including “Happy Birthday.” I can’t hear that song without hearing her soprano voice harmonizing with the rest of ours.

Grandma loved food and loved to feed other people. It was impossible to go hungry when you were with my grandma. Once they moved in next door I would go to Grandma and Grandpa's after school. Grandma would call out “Hi Sweetie!” as she always did, and immediately ask me two things – did I have homework, and would I like something to eat? Now, the thing with my grandma is that even if you didn’t want something to eat, you ended up eating anyway. The line of questioning usually went like this:

Grandma: Do you want something to eat?
Me: No thanks, Grandma.
Grandma: Are you sure? It’s no trouble.
Me: No, it’s ok.
Grandma: You really should eat something.
Me: No, really, I’m not hungry.
Grandma: Sure you are! How about some toast? Or an English muffin?

The next thing I knew, I’d be stuffing my face with Oroweat toast or a peanut butter and honey sandwich, sipping on a Pepsi using a licorice straw. How did the woman do it?? I have no idea, but she always won. I blame her for my carb addiction!

After Grandma and Grandpa moved in next door to us, I spent even more time with them, and after Grandpa died my Grandma and I became even closer. I loved being able to look out the sliding glass door at home to see if there was a light on at Grandma’s. If there was, I knew she was home and still up (although who am I kidding, of course she was up - I got my late night hours from her!). I would go down just to visit and end up staying so long that Mom or Dad would have to call to tell me to come home. Grandma and I would talk for hours. Sometimes she would teach me new things, like how to knit or the steps to various styles of ballroom dances. I’ll never forget the two of us waltzing around her house, sliding more than anything because we were both in socks on a hardwood floor.

As much as we had in common, we could also be like oil and water. A tomboy as a girl and athletic her whole life, somehow my grandma grew into a woman who loved floral prints and froofy stuff. I hated that she always wanted me to wear dresses and keep my hair down, and she was mortified when she found out that I’d be wearing tennis shoes for my wedding. Everyone else who knew me well said, “that sounds like you!” but Grandma never gave up trying to make me more feminine.

Even so, she never stopped loving me or supporting me. She came to almost as many of my softball games as my parents, even traveling to California, Montana and Illinois for tournaments. She was there for my high school, college, and graduate school graduations, and the huge smile on her face showed me just how proud she was of me at those times. I’ll never forget how supportive she was when I was down about not being able to find a job, or how excited she was when I finally did find a job that I loved. She would always ask about my students and was genuinely interested in how school was going. She loved to hear about the things I loved, and that made me feel special.

Since she died, I’ve been thinking that you can’t put the essence of a person on paper, but I think that might be it. My grandma knew how to make everyone feel special and loved. She was herself a very special person, and she will be greatly missed by all those who knew and loved her.

She's gone, take 2

2010-04-04T14:33:00.000-07:00

I tried to write this last night, but nights are hard. I'm finding that in the light of day I'm mostly able to think about the good times and remember my grandma with fondness. In the dark of night, though, the sorrow creeps in and I can't stop the tears. I do, however, want to get this down before I forget the intensity of that night. While it is so incredibly hard and emotional, it is also an amazing thing to be able to comfort someone as they prepare to leave earth, and I don't want to forget.

With that, I issue this warning - This post is for me, not you. You may read it, and please do if you are interested, but know that it may be somewhat graphic, it will certainly be sad, and it may make you uncomfortable. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Mom, Dad and I left Portland about 8:30 am and flew to Missoula via Seattle. We landed in Missoula around 12:40, so I suppose we got to Grandma and Frank's around 1 or 1:15. When we got there my Uncle Bob and Aunt Donna, Grandma's brother and his wife, were already there. When we prepared to go into the bedroom to see Grandma, Aunt Donna said, "be prepared." I thought, yeah right, how bad can it be? As of Friday, she was wheelchair bound, but she was still able to go to her doctor appointment, ask questions, etc. Mom and Dad had just been there one week ago to the day and she was sitting in a chair in the living room chatting with them at 10 oclock at night. How much difference could a few days make?

Apparently, a ton. When I walked into the bedroom I saw a shadow of my grandma. She was in bed, with her head on a pillow. Those of you who knew her well will understand how bizarre that is. My grandma hated pillows. She had this teeny tiny little thing that she used, all wadded up in a pillow case that dwarfed the pillow. I believe this was the first time I saw her with her head on a real pillow while lying in her own bed.

On Monday the hospice nurses put her on a morphine pump, and she was incredibly drugged up by the time we got there Tuesday afternoon. She knew who we were - when I walked in and said, "Hi Grandma!" (loudly, so as to break through the drug induced fog), she looked at me and managed to whisper, "Hi sweetie," the way I remember her greeting me all my life. She asked after my puppy, which made me laugh - my grandmother, who loved animals but was anti-house pet until she met her second husband, wanted to know where my dog was! - and I told her Ricky was at home with him, as Ricky had to work and couldn't come visit.

I sat with her for a few minutes, talking with her. Well, talking to her is more like it. She really couldn't hold a conversation, but she would respond now and again with "oh, that's nice" or a smile. Finally I told her I was going to let her rest. As I got up to leave the room she reached up for a hug. I told her I loved her and she whispered, or perhaps mouthed is a better description, "I love you too." I kissed her on the cheek and she kissed me, and I left to have a good cry.

Throughout the afternoon, I told her stories of things she and I had done together. She smiled and said, "That's nice." I teased her about her hair. There are very few things about which I am vain, but my hair is one of them, and I get it from my grandma. I remember when I was little and she'd go to get a permanent. When she'd get back my grandpa would say, "What's the matter, they couldn't get you in?" She'd get so mad at him! When I saw how little hair she had, I said, "Grandma, I love your new hairdo!" She laughed and patted her head.

Several times she tried to tell me something. First she started with, "I wish..." Another time she said, "I got to..." She never was strong enough to tell me what she wished or what she got to, though.

The final time that she was responsive and talkative that I was with her, I told her I was going to go and let her rest. She glommed onto the word "go" and said, "I'm leaving?" I told her that no, she wasn't going anywhere. Then she said, "You're leaving?" "No grandma, I'm just going to the living room. I'm staying here. I'm going to sleep here, if that's ok with you." She smiled and said something affirmative, "good" or "I'm glad" or something along those lines, though I can't remember her exact words right now. She gave him a hug and didn't want to let me go. I told her one more time that I loved her and she told me she loved me too. That turned out to be the last thing she'd say to me.

The hospice nurses came sometime after that and checked on her. They cleaned her up, changed her clothing, and did various other hospicey things. I don't remember how long it was, but it seemed like it took them hours. The next time I saw her, it was obvious all that work had worn her out. From then on, she only responded to us with smiles, head nods, and hand squeezes.

Her breathing had been fairly ragged and wheezy the whole day, but it continued to get worse. The hospice nurses told us that it would continue to get worse and would get gurgly. They left some things to help with that and upped her morphone, giving her a button to push for extra morphine doses. Of course, she wasn't strong enough to push it so we had to do it for her.

As the night went on, we realized just how bad things were getting. We decided to all tell her we loved her and give her permission to go. I'm not sure what everyone else said to her, but when I went in I told her that I loved her, that we all did, and that we didn't want to lose her but we also didn't want her to hurt anymore. At this point she hadn't been responding to us for a while, except to hold tight to our hands, so I didn't expect any kind of acknowledgement of what I was saying. I went on to tell her that it was ok to go, and that I wanted her to give Grandpa a big hug for me and tell him I love him and I missed him. When I said that, she very obviously nodded. It was the only response I got from her while I was talking to her, but it was very clear that she was saying yes, she would hug Grandpa and tell him for me.

By this point, Uncle Bob and Aunt Donna had retired to their hotel room for the night. Frank, Mom, Dad and I took turns sitting with Grandma. From the time hospice left until she passed, we didn't leave her alone. For a while, when we'd try to switch seats, she'd grab on tight to the hand she was holding, apparently not wanting us to leave. We'd switch and she'd be fine. Later, though, there was absolutely no response from her when we'd switch.

Sometime around 11 or 11:15, Dad noticed there was blood coming from her mouth. We called the hospice nurse on call, and she gave us some tips on what to do. We tried to roll Grandma onto her side, but it seemed to hurt her far too much. We did the best we could, and Dad swabbed the blood from her mouth. Soon Grandma started spitting it out with each breath. It was very clear that the end was near.

Grandma's breathing got more and more ragged, and soon her pulse was so faint that it was hard to feel with consistency. She'd breathe out and several seconds later Dad would say, "I think she's gone." Suddenly, she'd take one more breath. This went on for a few minutes, until just after midnight when she did truly expel her final breath. It was just after midnight, something we'd all been hoping for. Grandma had managed to make it to the next day, so she wouldn't pass on my cousin's 12th birthday.

The rest of the night, or morning as it were, is a blur of tears and hugs and sadness. I know the hospice nurse came and took Grandma's medicines away. I remember that we couldn't get Grandma's mouth to close, which struck me as funny since she always was talkative and she wouldn't close her mouth in death either. The funeral home people came and took her away, and we all said goodbye one more time. I was crying too much and couldn't actually say anything to her, but I gave her a kiss.

The rest of the trip was a whirlwind of emotions. We made funerary arrangements, chose a date for a memorial here at home, and went through countless and files of things to begin the process of dealing with the estate. It wore me out, and I got home yesterday afternoon completely exhausted.

I am so glad I was able to be with my grandma one more time. I'm extremely grateful that she knew who we were and could understand what we were saying and even respond to some extent. As ever when you lose someone, the whatifs and regrets are bombarding me from every direction. I want to pass on what my friend Leigh wrote to me:

Forgive yourself for your regrets. You did the best you could at the time and that is really all you could do. You didn't knowingly hurt your grandmother's feelings or not go visit when you knew you wouldn't have much time. We all do the best we can and that is what you did. Your grandmother knew how much you love her and you got there in time to say goodbye. You did the most important things right.

So now it's back to life, I guess. I feel like that isn't right, that I shouldn't be preparing to go back to work tomorrow. Not yet, it's too soon! But I need to. I just hate that part of my life has ended, but the world continues on as if nothing has happened. Shouldn't everyone's world stop like mine has? Shouldn't everyone's heart be shattered? Why can't people tell by looking at me that I've been through something terrible this week? I don't want to have to keep explaining!

The other thing I am struggling with is wrapping my brain around the fact that one minute she was breathing and the next, she wasn't. One second she was alive...and then she wasn't. We were talking about her in present tense, and then suddenly she became past tense. It's hard to remember that she is now a "was" instead of an "is." As real and as raw as it all is, even Saturday night I found myself thinking, "oh, I should call gramma and see..."

Somehow, someway, we will all get through this time. It will get easier, I know. That doesn't make these feelings any less real, but it does give me hope that there will be a time when I won't cry myself to sleep, a time when I can go through the day without tears springing to my eyes without warning. I've been through this twice before, I can do it again. I am strong. I am my grandmother's granddaughter, after all.

She's gone

2010-04-04T01:11:00.001-07:00

Mary Carolyn Barlow Steenson Bretz passed away March 31st, surrounded by her family. Cancer is evil. The end.

More later. I thought I could write this post but I just can't right now.

I don't even know what to say

2010-03-28T13:26:00.000-07:00

I do not want to write this blog. For some reason, I feel as if putting the words to paper, or computer screen in this case, will make them true. As if they aren't true anyway.

My grandma is dying.

Not in the "we're all dying" fashion. No, in the cancer started in her kidney and moved swiftly and silently into her bones and is now trying to, or perhaps already has, infiltrate her brain fashion. As in, when she told the doctor I was planning a trip to see her in the next couple of weeks, he told her to see if I could come now instead. That's the kind of dying we're talking about here.

I am not ready for this. We lost my grandpa far, far too early to cancer. Six years later, we lost my other grandpa. For 11 years I've had only grandmothers, but that was ok because I still had both of them. Now...well, now I feel like everything is falling apart.

I am going on Tuesday to see my grandma, possibly (and probably) for the last time. We just came off spring break and now I will be leaving my students in the hands of substitutes for 4 days. Unfortunate doesn't begin to describe the situation. Overwhelmed and emotional doesn't even come close to describing my mental state right now. I go from being fine to suddenly realizing that this is happening and losing it all over again. Why am I so emotional over this? I've been "ready" for it for years. I've thought about losing her, losing both of my grandmothers, since my grandpas died. Ha. As if a person could ever be ready for this.

Why is this one hitting me so hard? You'd think, at 29 years old, having been through this already, that it would be easier. Why doesn't it get easier? She is 79 years old. She has lived a long, good life. That's not enough. I want it to be longer. I want it to be good-er.

I need to go figure out what to have my students do while I'm gone. I need to focus on the minutiae. I think it may be the only way I can function during my only day at work this week.

You know you're a theatre geek when...

2010-03-18T21:03:00.000-07:00

I found this list on Facebook. It is so true. So very, very true.

You’ve said countless times, “I can’t. I have rehearsal.”

Anyone who says Macbeth has a death wish.

You realize theater is your social life and you don’t have any friends outside of theater.

Stress is a way of life.

Cast parties rank right up there with birthday parties.

You never realized how much fun you had at rehearsals until you don’t have any more.

Once the production is over you don't know what to do with your time.

You love going to see other productions just to compare them to yours.

You go see other productions and cringe when you see people that can’t act.

You could easily set up a cot and live in the theater. You’re there all the time anyway.

You dread the thought of having rehearsal, but the second you get there you don’t want to leave.

You meet someone from another theater and instantly become best friends.

You beg all of your friends to come see you in the play when you are only onstage for two minutes.

You don't think twice about seeing guys in make-up or tights.

You're in public and look like you're talking to yourself because you are reciting your monologue.

You are a techie and want to strangle the actors because you have their lines memorized better than they do.

You know what Hell Week is.

If you put on a musical, you randomly sing all the songs at any time of day even if it is a musical you hate.

Sleep? What is sleep?

You swear like a sailor.

You've been dubbed a "Stage Nazi" or a "Tech God."

There's more drama backstage than there is onstage.

Actors and techies argue about who has more work.

You quote lines from previous plays you've done when you have casual conversations with friends.

You know what spiking is, and it's not what you do to hair.

You've been working with the same people so long that you have blackmail to last a lifetime.

Applause after a show is the best sound ever.

You have a sigh of relief when you are doing a comedy and you hear the audience laughing.

You can't remember what a home cooked meal tastes like, but you can remember every single way Taco Bell makes a taco or burrito.

Modesty is long forgotten.

You pride yourself in how fast you can strip your clothes off and change costumes. (Or help people strip!)

Spring break, and other plans

2010-03-13T18:17:00.000-08:00

So.

Originally we were going to spend spring break in a bed and breakfast in Couer d'Alene, ID followed by time at my grandma's house in Missoula. Unfortunately, Grandma is in the hospital in Arizona right now and likely won't be back in Missoula in time for us to visit.

Ricky already has the week of spring break off, so we decided to spend a couple of the days in Bend at my family's cabin and the rest of the time at home, hanging out, catching up on housework, maybe getting our coat closet done the way we want it? No matter, it will just be fun to hang with my husband and spend some quality time together. Not to mention the awesome time we'll have in Bend at the High Desert Museum.

Now, onto the other plans: My cousin, Garrett, graduates from high school this summer and will be visiting us at the end of June. This is technically his second trip to Portland, but his first really doesn't count - they flew in on Thursday and flew home on Sunday, with our rehearsal dinner on Friday and wedding on Saturday. There wasn't much sightseeing going on then! We're excited to have him visit for about a week and show him all that Portland offers. One of these days I'm going to get some part of my family to move out here, I'm just not sure which part it's going to be yet!

In August sometime Ricky and I are going to head back to South Bend, IN to see my family. It's been nearly 3 years since we've made it there, and we miss them all terribly. We're not yet sure when we'll be able to travel since we don't know what my work schedule looks like yet, but sometime between sending the Chinese students back to China and having to report back to school for the new school year we plan on spending a week or so in South Bend. Included in that week I expect an escorted road trip to Michigan City for a White Castle fix!

We're pretty excited for these plans. It's been a while since we really had a vacation, so we're very excited for a few days away in Bend, and we're really excited for Garrett to come here and for us to go there to see everyone. It seems like so far away but I know time will fly and it will be here before we know it.

What's going on?

2010-02-27T16:08:00.000-08:00

(Please tell me at least one of you read that title and had the 4 Non Blondes song pop into your head!)

Here's a quick update with what's going on...

Still working too much. Far, far too much.
Softball season has started and I'm not coaching. It's odd, but good. There's no way I could handle that with everything else.
Sunshine today - yay!
Have a date with my dad today to go to the spaghetti feed at Mom's work. Mom will be there too, but she's working.
The husband is also working a lot. His schedule has gotten funky, which means we don't get to hang out much. He rarely gets a weekend day off anymore and it makes me sad.
We do have a date scheduled for Monday night. Portland Center Stage is announcing their 2010-11 season with a dessert reception and we have plans to attend.
Just had an observation at work. Anxiously awaiting the feedback from my principal.
We're planning a road trip for spring break. First non-softball related spring break trip since 8th grade. Insane, huh? More on the plans later.
My college roommate, Amy, and I just signed on to teach Chinese kids again this summer.
Ricky and I just finished a financial planning class and have a one-on-one meeting with the planner March 12. We hope to get a more solid plan going. We also need to get our will taken care of.

As you can see, life is very busy but not all that exciting. I am really looking forward to our date on Monday. I'm excited to spend time with Ricky and also to hear what shows PCS is producing next year. We've loved 3 out of 4 shows we've seen there this year and are hoping the next season looks as good. If it does look good, and assuming I still have a job, we plan on buying season tickets again. It's been great to know we have a date planned about once a month, and I love a good show!

Huh. That's a headscratcher.

2010-02-17T00:21:00.000-08:00

Ricky and I had tickets to The Receptionist at Portland Center Stage tonight. Usually we really enjoy their plays, and from a production standpoint this one was on par with their other work. The script, on the other hand, left something to be desired.

In the beginning the script was funny. A caricature of office life. The receptionist, with her "phone answering" voice, her personal phone calls, and her morning rituals. The young coworker with her out of control love life. The older boss, close to retirement who leaves the ladies in the office on their own.

And then things got weird. A creepy visitor came from "the central office." He flirted, he overshared...and he was just creepy in general.

And then even weirder...there was talk of interrogation, working over the feet, breaking someone's pinky finger, wire to the eyes...Suddenly the boss disappears, his wife disappears, the young coworker packs up her office on the sly and takes off. Creepy visitor man comes and begins to interrogate the receptionist, and then takes her to the central office.

The end.

This script was like a bad joke. You know the ones, where the punch line is lost or forgotten or just plain stupid. Ok, no, this play didn't even have a stupid punchline, just no punchline at all. And it's going to bother me all. night. long.

Date Night!

2010-02-07T15:47:00.000-08:00

Ricky and I hadn't been on an alone date in ages. We'd been out with friends, siblings, and/or parents, but not just the two of us. So when Saturday rolled around and neither of us had to work or had any other plans, we made plans together.

We started at a great little restaurant called Dingo's. Located in Portland's Hawthorne district, Dingo's is a "fresh Mexican grill" offering local, organic and sustainable fare for Portlanders. And it was yum! We started with a bowl of Pintos and cheese, topped with spicy slaw and tomatoes, served with chips. That was probably the best bean and cheese dip ever. Then we moved on to burritos. I had a chicken burrito with black beans and rice, smothered in mole sauce and served with sour cream. Ricky had a carnitas burrito with black beans and rice, smothered in a habanero sour cream sauce. Both were absolutely delicious - and filling. We each brought home half a burrito!

After enjoying our fantastic meal, we headed to OMSI for Laser Pink Floyd. What fun! We enjoyed a 45 minute laser light show set to the tunes of Ricky's favorite band. I am not the fan that he is, but even I recognized most of the songs and could even sing along with 2 or 3. I was surprised at how quickly the time went. Suddenly the lasers were flashing "the end" across the planetarium dome and I thought, "really?! Already??"

All in all it was a fantastic night. I was sad that we skipped out on a Mardi Gras party with my coworkers, but we desperately needed a night for the two of us. I would definitely recommend Dingo's to anyone, and the laser light show was a fun, different, and relatively inexpensive way to spend the evening.

Not sure what to blog about

2010-01-25T22:15:00.000-08:00

My life is not at all blog worthy these days. In fact, I can up everyday in one paragraph:

Get out of bed at 6. Shower, grab lunch, leave house between 6:30 and 7, depending on the day. First period prep, then teach periods 2 and 3. Fourth period, eat lunch. Teach periods 5 and 6. Grab a quick protein filled snack in the 4 minutes between 6th and 7th periods. Teach periods 7 and 8. Another quick snack. Teach two hours of after school classes. Finally leave school between 5 and 6, depending on the day. Get home, make dinner. Eat dinner. Collapse on couch. Move to bed. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I told you, so not blogworthy. My kids aren't even having great conversations that I can share for your entertainment (remember That's What She Said?). I'll come up with something good soon, I'm sure, but for now just read this post once a day and you'll know what I'm doing.

On things domestic

2010-01-24T16:07:00.000-08:00

I am not a domestic goddess. Far from it, actually. But now and again the urge strikes, and I go on these weird cleaning sprees. Not the normal cleaning urges people get, like sweeping or mopping or washing the windows. No, I decide to clean out closets or pantries or wash all the shelves in the fridge.

So what was I doing at midnight? Why, cleaning out the pantry, of course! Isn't that what everyone does at midnigt? I facebooked about it, and it appears it's a theatre freak thing. I still want to know if the late night hours are a requirement to become a theatre geek, or if the are caused by being one. We know there's causation; otherwise, why would a fellow theatre major and I have this exact same conversation in the wee hours of the morning. What I can't prove yet is which caused which. Or perhaps it's merely a correlation and the cause/effect lies in some other oddball quirk of mine.

Either way, I'm prone to doing odd things late at night/early in the morning. Like rearranging furniture, cleaning the bathrooms, and of course cleaning out the pantry. No matter, though, the pantry looks most beauteous today and I can find everything I'm looking for.

What a great day!

2010-01-17T02:43:00.001-08:00

I ended up sleeping most of the day (got up at 3pm!), recuperating from a good but draining week at school. Ricky was very understanding - he's been incredible this year, understanding the stress and frustration and exhaustion caused by our numbers situation - and didn't say a word about my long, long sleep.

Once I finally got up, we hung around the house for a bit until Ricky said, "let's go see the boys!" We headed over to his parents' house to see the two nephews and hung out with them, playing with the boys and chatting with his sister, for a couple of hours.

When we left we were both getting hungry and I could tell I was starting to get cranky so I told him we needed to get some food. I had no idea what I was in the mood for, but Ricky was in the mood for Rose's. Sadly, there isn't one in our neighborhood and he didn't want to drive that far but, as he put it, he could feel my puppy dog eyes coming from my mind and decided to go anyway. Rose's has awesome reubens, so we each had a reuben (turkey for me, pastrami for Ricky) and a cup of coffee, then shared a piece of Red Velvet cake (mostly for the cream cheese frosting!). We had a great night of chatting and just enjoying being together.

On the way home we stopped and picked up a movie (Beyond a Reasonable Doubt - not bad!). Afterward we sat and talked, reminiscing about our nearly 10 years together. My how time flies!

Overall it was a really excellent day, made even better by the fact that I still have two days of my weekend remaining. Yay for 3 day weekends!

"Just be thankful you have a job"

2010-01-15T23:33:00.000-08:00

I know I've been MIA. I have come to the blog, even signed in and opened a new post, but nothing would come out.

It's not that there's nothing to say. Quite to the contrary, actually. I think I'm so overwhelmed with the things in my life right now that I'm having a hard time narrowing it down. I'm also having a hard time wanting to think about it long enough to type it out. All I want is some quality me time to relax and destress.

After losing my job and then getting it back, I never feel like I can complain about my job. As a teacher, I always feel like I have to preface a complaint with "I love my job, but..." Why is it that people automatically assume a vent or a complaint would only come if you hated your job or weren't grateful for the fact that you have one in the first place? I actually had a parent yell that at me this year - "You should just be thankful you have a job!" I told her that I am, and that I give thanks everyday, but that doesn't change the facts.

And the facts are

I haven't left school before 4 oclock in ages. Even today, when I planned on leaving right at 3, the end of our contract hours, I was stuck. An incident during 7th period required that I write a referral, and the first chance I had was after school.
I have been forced to get to school early in an attempt to get a crack at the copy machine. It doesn't always work.
I work through my lunch most days. Rarely do I have the luxury of being able to sit back and read a book or do something for me and relax during my lunch. Instead, I generally eat while I stand at the copy machine or try not to slop spaghetti sauce on the papers I'm grading.
My smallest class right now is 33. My largest is 42. Overall, I teach 232 students, approximately 25% of our student population. Unbelievably, this is a slight decrease from the beginning of the year.
Think 232 students is no big deal? Try this on for size - it took me 3 hours to grade a 10 point quiz.
My average class size is 38.67 students (and no, I have not yet met that 2/3 kid!).
Because of class sizes, I can give each student approximately 1.18 minutes of personalized attention each class period.

Those are the facts. I do love my job, truly. I love the students I work with, I love the relationships I've built with so many of my kids. I love that, while they may hate my class, we can still have a positive relationship as people, and that I can influence their lives in even the smallest of ways. I love that my students feel comfortable confiding in me, asking for my advice, and that they know I care about them and only want the best for them.

That said, I wish there were fewer of them. They need so much, and I can only give to a certain extent before I'm worn out. When I taught 130, it was ok. I gave, but it wasn't detrimental. Now I feel as though my job is sapping my strength. Changing the way I do my job is not an option. When I do so, I feel fake and phony. I don't like the teacher I become when I try to become business as usual. I have always been a Gestalt teacher, worried with the whole of the person rather than the one subject I teach. I couldn't care less if my students like theatre, as long as they learned to be decent human beings, responsible citizens of the world. But I am finding that trying to be that for 232 is so taxing.

I find myself with a choice - stay true to what I believe of education, delivering what my students need and feeling fulfilled yet broken, or become an educator who simply teaches the subject and then goes home and lives her life, filling a job but unable to escape the nagging feeling that I should be, could be, doing more.

Honestly, there is no choice. I was not called into this profession to make money and have summers off and be carefree. I was called to help my students, to guide them and shape them, to make a difference in the future of our world. And so, I will continue to stress and worry, and I will continue to work toward making our school system better, not so that my so-called cushy job becomes cushier, but so that my students can have the best chance possible.

Dear Santa, Here's My Christmas List

2009-12-24T13:31:00.000-08:00

Love,
Laura

What a Croc!

2009-12-23T18:44:00.000-08:00

It appears that I won't be getting my new croc flip flops. I got an email from them saying they were sorry but my order choice is not in stock and they canceled my order. I went to look and see if there was another pair I liked in my size that was in stock and they still showed my color and size choice as being available, so I tried again. Again, they canceled my order. I think I may call them (do you suppose they are working on the 24th?) to alert them to the flaw in the system and see if there is anything my size in stock in a color I might want.

Bargain Shopper Extraordinaire

2009-12-22T01:12:00.001-08:00

I am very much a bargain shopper. Ricky and I are frugal...ok, ok, we're cheap!...with our money, but I like to think we've been getting better as far as purchasing the things we need and not skimping just to skimp. That doesn't mean I don't still love a bargain, though. While I'm not a big coupon person at the grocery store, I love coupons for clothing, online purchases, and the like. I participate in MyPoints* because you can redeem the points you earn for gift cards to various places. So far we've gotten a $50 Kohls gift card and a $50 West Elm gift card - that's how we bought our new duvet cover for our beautiful new almost-finished bedroom! (Don't worry I'll post pictures when we're done). A few minutes a day of taking short surveys or simply clicking on an email earns a lot of points in a relatively short time, and the next thing you know - FREE MONEY!!

So yesterday I was perusing the MyPoints Daily Deal when I happened upon two things I have been wanting but hadn't been able to find at a price I was willing to pay.

1) Black sandals. With the MyPoints daily deal, I was able to get a $100 pair of Simple Shoes black sandals from 6pm.com for $16.35. Add a coupon code for free shipping and we're in business! Here are the cute sandals

Granted, they'll sit in my closet until May or June, but for $16.35, it's worth the wait!

2) I've also been wanting a pair of Crocs flip flops. Normally $30, I just couldn't quite swallow paying full price. Yesterday I was able to stack some coupon codes with a MyPoints daily deal that allowed me to get these

from the Crocs outlet online for $8.39 with free shipping. Again, not something I'll wear anytime soon, but for a savings of $22, I'll take it!

The best part of these purchases? By shopping through the MyPoints website, I earned multiple points per dollar spent. Not only did MyPoints help me save some money, they also gave me extra points while doing it! Another 900 points and I'll be getting another $50 gift card. I wonder which one I should get this time?

*If you want to sign up to do MyPoints, let me know and you can sign up under me. I'm being selfish here - it doesn't help you in any way, but I get points for having referred you!

Lucky Number 7

2009-12-14T21:20:00.000-08:00

Seven years ago today, Ricky and I done got hitched.

Hard to believe it's been 7 years already. I remember Thanksgiving the year before we got married, just after we got engaged, not long after Ricky's grandfather passed away. His grandmother was talking about how she couldn't believe it'd been 33 years, that if someone had told her when they wed that they'd be married 33 years she would have laughed, because it's so hard for us to think of - 33 years with one person!

I know what she means. Obviously none of us go into marriage expected to ever leave or be left by the person we're marrying, but there's something in our brains that just makes it impossible to imagine what it's going to be like that far down the road. When I try to think about years and years down the road, it's so hard to even imagine. Suddenly, I turn around and we've been married 7 years and I wonder, when did that happen (and are you sure we both made it through alive?!).

Marrying young has it's advantages and disadvantages. We've had our share of arguments and stubbornness, sure - I once walked home 2.6 miles at night in the rain because I didn't want to ride with him after an argument! - but mostly we've had good times, and bad times that turned into good times because we got through them together.

I think our 7 years can fairly easily be summed up this way:
2 houses + 2 vehicles + 3 degrees = 7 years.

Oh yeah, and throw in a dog for good measure!

85 cents for a cookie? Why, that must have been 10 years ago!

2009-12-09T17:45:00.001-08:00

I was thinking about how great it is to find money in coat pockets and realized we have a few coats in the closet that rarely, if ever get worn. Aha! I thought to myself. I might be able to "make" a buck or two!

So I started going through all of the coat pockets. Nothing, until I got to my letterman jacket, which I haven't worn since I graduated. In the right hand pocket I found 15 cents. Pretty darn sure that had to be change from a warm chocolate chip cookie purchased from the CCHS cafeteria during our morning break. Man we loved those cookies!

So much to be thankful for*

2009-11-28T16:23:00.000-08:00

So far it's been a fantastic Thanksgiving weekend.

I had a rough few days at school - a tough parent meeting (tough doesn't even begin to describe it - after he heard about, my administrator told me I don't have to take abuse from a parent and that I should have said, " I'm sorry, this meeting will have to continue with an administrator present" and walked out of the room. Yes, it was that bad), a fight in my classroom, and an overall need for a few days away from the craziness. Enter Thanksgiving Weekend!

Thursday was wonderful. Ricky and I decided this would be the year for us to start hosting Thanksgiving. We set up a long table in our living room, borrowed silverware and serving utensils from my parents since we don't have enough, set up a buffet table and beverage station in the kitchen, and had a wonderful Thanksgiving meal with 10 adults and 2 kids. Ricky had to work so we served our meal abotu 5 pm. My very first Thanksgiving day turkey was wonderful. I used the Williams-Sonoma Turkey Brine at the suggestion of a friend (and 120+ raving reviews on the W-S website) and it definitely did the job. The white meat was almost as moist as the dark!

We had a great day with Ricky's parents and sisters, both nephews, Ricky's grandparents, my mom and a friend of Ricky's sister. There was so much food, great fellowship, and it was just a wonderful time to enjoy the company of friends and family. My mom was a huge help, even though she felt she couldn't do much as she broke her foot a week before Turkey Day. She may think she didn't do much, but I beg to differ! If nothing else, she made sure I didn't screw up the turkey!

Friday Ricky was off so we ran some errands, returning borrowed items and did a little shopping at Lowe's in the afternoon. No, we were not up at 4 am for the Black Friday sales. You know I love a good deal, but I love my sleep (and keeping my body parts in tact) even more! In the afternoon we took a thermos of hot chocolate downtown for the Christmas Tree Lighting in Pioneer Courthouse Square. Afterward, we had an excellent dinner at Aura Restaurant and Lounge on 10th and Burnside. What a cool place - a little too cool for me, I think! The food really was wonderful but I'm not sure we'd fit in with the standard clientele.

Today I met a friend/college roommate on NW 23rd for some lunch and shopping. We had a good lunch at Rose's Deli, then did a little shopping at Paper Source (I got some Christmas wrapping paper), Moonstruck (yum, chocolate!), and Lush (bath goodies!!).

Overall it's been a fantastically relaxing weekend, something I really needed. Tomorrow I'll be hanging out at home getting some work done while I wait for the delivery guys to show up with our new bed!! We've been redoing our bedroom and we're getting down to the end. Still need to choose a paint color, find nightstands and a dresser, and get new blinds for the window. All in good time, though. It already looks incredible since Ricky installed beautiful new wainscoting. What a change that made!

I hope you all have had as wonderful of a Thanksgiving as I have. I am truly in a wonderful, holiday spirit. Here's to keeping it through the next 26 days and beyond!

*It's killing me that the title is grammatically incorrect, as it should read "so much for which to be thankful" but that sounded kind of odd and pretentious so I went for the more common version. It's all I can do not to change it! I am a freak.

Insanity

2009-10-27T18:04:00.001-07:00

Before I continue, let me make this disclaimer:

I am glad to have a job! For the most part, I love what I do, I love my students, and I am oh-so-glad to be employed.

That said, it is insane. At last count I had 240 students in 6 periods. I rarely work fewer than 10 hours a day and I'm still behind. It took 3 hours to grade a 10 point quiz because there were so many of them. I feel like I'm brand new at this. The only good thing is, I'm not the only one. All of the teachers in my school are working crazy hours. We're all behind on our grading. We're all feeling frazzled.

Not to mention we're having some major behavior problems we haven't had in the past. That couldn't possibly be linked to the fact that we're serving 100 more students this year than last with 1/3 fewer teachers, could it?

Needless to say, life is insanity. I also committed to stage managing The Laramie Project prior to being recalled to my job. It has been such an incredible experience but if I'd know then what I know I might not have done it. Eh, what am I saying, of course I would have! But I am looking forward to Saturday when the show closes and I can feel like I have some free time again.

catching up

2009-09-15T23:52:00.000-07:00

Apologies for my prolonged absence. I'm working on finishing the college memories posts. I was going to wait until those were done to post this, but decided not to.

I got my job back. I know, right? In the midst of our economic crisis, when districts are cutting jobs like crazy, I managed to get my job back. I don't know all the details of how it happened, but I know this. The school board voted to add 27 teaching positions back to the schools. Our school got 2. I was one of the positions recalled. I also know my principal was working hard for weeks to get me back. I am now teaching drama full time. So not only was I rehired, but I'm full time instead of part time.

Things are crazy busy since everything is incredibly different, with bigger class sizes, longer terms and a completely different daily schedule. I now see the kids every day for 18 weeks instead of every other day for 12. Since I wasn't rehired until 2 weeks before school started, well, I've had a lot of work to do.

I've got a lot more going on in my life than that, but I'll post about it later. Now I need to get to bed.

College Memories #5: Whirlpools and Wheelchairs

2009-08-26T02:10:00.000-07:00

The saying in the training room was that if you were never hurt as a high school athlete you'd spend all your time in the training room in college, and vice versa. I was one of the lucky ones who got to spend hours in the training room each week for therapy and treatment.

My catcher and I used to joke that we'd be in wheelchairs by the time we were 40. I have 12 years to go, and I'm not so sure we were wrong! We used to get in the whirlpools after games to help with the muscle pain. Sounds lovely, doesn't? Two close friends hanging out in the whirlpool after a game...

Yeah, well, it's not. In training room terms a whirlpool is an ice bath. Yes, an ice bath. You know which body parts I had to whirlpool? My hip flexer, hamstrings and lower back. Guess what that means? You guessed it - sitting in the stupid whirlpool with who knows how many pounds of ice swirling around. I'm surprised I still have all my toes.

College Memories #6: White Bouquet

2009-08-25T02:09:00.000-07:00

Our sophomore year, Amy and I decided it would be good to have an air freshener for our room. I can't remember if she picked it up or if her mom did, but neither of them knew of my sensitivity to floral smells (as in, I can't stand them and they give me a headache). I thought it would be ok, but the Glade plug in was just too powerful for our little room, even on the lowest setting. So, being the smart college sophomores we were, we unplugged it and set it on the dresser.

Set it on the dresser, next to the stereo remote, not thinking about the fact that oil is viscous and permeates just about anything meant to hold it in...especially something meant to let the vapors out. Yeah, that's right, it leaked all over the place.

Our room reeked of White Bouquet, the offending odor, for weeks. Finally we got rid of it. Until one day....

Amy and I both snapped our heads up from our books. What was that smell. Could it be? No, it'd been months. But it was! Where was it coming from? Not our room...let's go, we'll figure it out.

And like Toucan Sam we followed our noses and found that people at the end of the floor had a plug in air freshener in - you guessed it - White Bouquet.

College Memories #7: Local Restaurants -or- The Only Place Open Past 9pm is Shari's

2009-08-24T02:09:00.000-07:00

For a small town, Newberg had some decent restaurants. We had Lucky Fortune, the good and cheap Chinese place where a HUGE plate of whatever was somewhere around $6. Cancun, one of the best Mexican places around, was always a huge hit. Checkers, an awesome sandwich shop, opened during my junior or senior year. Underground was one of 3 awesome coffee shops off campus, and my favorite of the 3. Mocha Milkshakes rule! And of course we had Jem 100, the local ice cream shop and burger joint.

But when you start getting into "fine dining," the options are slim. Yamhill Grill was where everyone went when their parents went to town, and Shari's was the one place in town open past 9. We spent a lot of time at Shari's...a lot of time. Because all on campus housing had floor hours, and because Shari's was the only place open real late (that is, until Underground opened our junior year), it was not uncommon to head there around 11 or 12 pm and find several booths or tables filled with "mixed company" GFU groups. Man I drank a lot of coffee at Shari's!

College Memories #8: The Plagues

2009-08-23T02:08:00.000-07:00

Freshman year we somehow managed to start a prank war with another floor. To be honest, I can't remember how it started. The part I remember the most is The Locusts.

Around 2 oclock in the morning, my roommate woke me up saying there were crickets in our room. I told her there weren't and to go back to sleep. She insisted they were in our room...and then I heard them. We turned on the light and found that there were many, many crickets or grasshoppers or whatever they were, in our room. Opening the door to the hallway revealed that several people had woken up to the same realization. We had been infested.

We found out that the boys with whom we'd been having a prank war managed to get into our dorm floor (they took the door to our hallway off the hinges!) and released 200 live crickets onto our floor. We were fighting those things for months.

Sadly, the boys weren't very smart. They forgot that their dorm and ours were connected by an underground hallway. The crickets traveled a lot throughout the year and had babies who traveled, who had babies who traveled. Not only were we fighting them, but all 3 floors of the 3 dorms connected by the underground hallways were fighting them - including the floor that introduced them to our dorm!

College Memories #9: What Really Went on in the Theatre

2009-08-22T02:08:00.000-07:00

The theatre was a bizarre place, to be sure. A lot of very strange things went on there. Some of the highlights...

During a camping trip for Quilters so that the cast could get an idea of what the pioneer women went through, one female member awoke to find the arms of a male crew member wrapped around her. In his sleep, he mistook K for his wife!
Many of us had blankets and slippers stored in a room in the theatre.
For a theatre major, there was no better place to sleep than in Wood-Mar. Nice and dark, quiet, and only other theatre majors could get in!
As other techies know, rehearsals get real old real fast for tech crew. Singing "YMCA" during tender moments or mocking the lines of a show was standard fare.
I spent many an evening reading by aisle light during rehearsal. Ah, the joys of trying to stay on top of academics during hell week!
Somewhere around here I have a picture of me in a hawaiian shirt dancing with a glow stick. 'Nuff said.
Initiation. After a show, all the newbies get to be Retarded Earthworms. During strike, we'd head out for pizza and a shrimp pizza was ordered. All newbies had to eat a piece. Some cried, some cringed, I dug right in! No on liked initiating me since shrimp is my favorite pizza topping!

College Memories #10: American Day in Paris

2009-08-21T02:06:00.000-07:00

During Juniors Abroad (3 weeks in Europe, led by 2 professors, for which we got credit), we spent a few days in Paris. Sadly, none on our trip were much in love with Paris. It was hot, it was humid, and the Parisians hated us. One day, fed up with it all, we deemed it "American Day in Paris." We went to a movie, partly because we knew it would be air conditioned, partly because it was an American movie (Murder by Numbers with Sandra Bullock). It was a cheesy movie, but it was in English, so we were happy. Apparently it didn't translate well - there was a point when we all laughed but no one else in the movie did. I guess the joke didn't make much sense in French!

Later that night we had dinner at Hard Rock cafe. I don't remember who all was there, but I know it was close to our entire group, nearly all 22 of us. We were all so tired of Paris, so ready to move on. It was our last night there and we had a great ol' time. How sad is it that my fondest memory of Paris is the night before we left when we spend every waking minute being as American as possible?

College Memories #11: A Tale of Two Bunk Beds

2009-08-20T02:06:00.000-07:00

I will never forget this event because it scared the crap out of me.

Freshman year, we had these crappy metal army-surplus-clearance-sale bunkbeds. They sucked, hardcore. Most people bunked them because it made for more space in the room, and many people would then put the whole thing on top of cement blocks. Probably not the safest thing in the world, but college students know no fear.

I was sitting in my room one day, early in the school year, when suddenly I heard a crash. I rushed out to the hallway to see my across the hall neighbors with petrified looks on their faces. Their bunked beds had fallen. More accurately, the top bed fell off the bottom one.

Thankfully no one was hurt, but what a scare we had! Unfortunately, the school showed no sympathy and the official party line was that the students must have bunked them wrong. Ha! I only wish I had a picture of the type of feet used on these beds to show you how unsturdy these bunk beds were.

College Memories #12: Mountain Dew

2009-08-19T02:05:00.000-07:00

Somehow, Mountain Dew was a staple in our community. I'm not sure why, or what the draw was. Personally I can't stand it. But many people consumed copious amounts of the fluorescent yellow drink.

One of my teammates had a massive Mountain Dew obsession. So much so that she had a Mountain Dew banner in her room, above her lovingly stacked pyramid of Mountain Dew cans. Our coach didn't allow us to drink soda on game days, and Sarah was beside herself. The girl drank Mountain Dew like I drink coffee, which is to say like normal people drink water. One morning at breakfast before a game, I seriously thought she was going to have a panic attack! Although I must admit, the thought of giving up coffee makes me feel the same way.

Other friends of ours were also into Mountain Dew. One day E and I were over by Dathan's* room and noticed Mountain Dew sitting on the window ledge. We wondered what was up with that. Turns out, there was no room in the fridge and since it gets pretty chilly in the valley during the winter, they decided to use the great outdoors as a fridge. I always wondered if anyone ever tried to steal the soda from the window ledge.

*Dathan - our friends were Dan and Nathan, so Lissa and I shortened it to Dathan one year. As it turned out, Dathan was also a Biblical name, so we figured it was quite fitting for our small Christian college.

College Memories #13: Comment Cards

2009-08-18T02:05:00.000-07:00

Whenever people say they aren't going to bother to leave a comment card for something because it won't do any good, I flash back to my college days.

Our freshman year the college contracted with a new food service company, Bon Appetit. We, of course, quickly nicknamed the dining hall "The Bon(e)." As in, "Hey, are you ready to head to The Bone?" Or, "Meet me in front of The Bone after class." The Bone really wasn't that bad in the food department (with the exception of their vegetarian options, which is another post entirely). What we all really loved, though, is the fact that they actually listened to us.

Comment cards were available in the dining hall and, being the sassy college kids we were, we used them often. We complained about the food, begged for other things, and asked them to please never make Eggplant Parmesan again. Oddly enough, they listened. One time the tomato soup, which was usually very good, was so peppery it was nearly inedible. We wrote a card about it...and got a comment back. "Talked to Roberta, she'll lay off the pepper next time." Or we'd ask for a specific food to make a more frequent appearance, and suddenly, there it was!

So anytime you think asking for something via comment card is a waste of time, remember my story. It really can do some good.

College Memories #14: Fire Drill

2009-08-17T02:04:00.000-07:00

We all remember the fire drills of days long ago. You know, 3rd grade, the bell goes off, everyone files outside. You wait for the principal to let everyone in, and then you return to your classroom and it takes the teacher several minutes to get everyone settled down and back to work.

Well, once you get to college the fire drills are pretty much over. The scheduled ones, anyway.

The alarms in some of the dorms on campus were quite sensitive. Someone burned popcorn? There goes the fire alarm. Get the hairdryer too close to your hair? Everyone shuffles outside. It was with pretty regular occurence that we were heading outside in our pajamas because someone set the fire alarm off accidentally while making some kind of food. Once in a while, the fire department would even show up!

I remember one time, late at night, we were all outside and E was frantically trying to study for a biology test. There we were, standing in our PJs in the wet parking lot, and she made me quiz her with her flashcards. Another time, Bwalya leaned out her window in the dorm right across from ours yelling, "I just burnt some popcorn, don't bother to go outside!!"

I'm sure other GFU alums have their favorite fire alarm stories. I'd love to hear them!

College Memories #15: Living Peruvian Style

2009-08-16T02:04:00.000-07:00

Back to Senior year. Back to the townhouse. Amy and I were at work, Annelies was at home. On the way home from work, Amy called Annelies to see what she was doing.

Annelies: Just sitting here in the dark.
Amy: Why?
Annelies: The power went out.
Amy: Oh. Really? I wonder why? (the weather wasn't stormy, there was really no reason for the power to have gone out)
Annelies: I don't know, I was just vacuuming and suddenly the power went out.
Amy: Wait...you were vacuuming? Is everyone else out of power?
Annelies: No, just us.
Amy: Did you check the breaker?
Annelies: What's that?

Annelies grew up in Peru, and as it turns out the power in Peru often goes out for no reason. When the power went out while she was vacuuming, she simply assumed it was like Peru - for no reason! What she didn't realize, and what we later taught her, is that she tripped a breaker and all she had to do was flip it back. Voila! Instant lights!

College Memories #16: Fulton B Elkston

2009-08-15T02:04:00.000-07:00

Oh Fulton, how I loved thee. Or actually, how Erica loved thee.

Erica, my good friend and roommate, transferred to Fox for our sophomore year. She lived on our floor and I saw her using scrapbooking tools so of course I had to go meet her. We hit it off, and she started hanging out with Amy and I.

At the same time, Amy's and my friend Chris had moved into an on-campus house with a bunch of other guys (Brandon happened to be one of them). Chris was bugging us to come see him in his new digs, so once we got settled in, we headed over to see him and meet his roommates. As it turned out, we all hit it off and ended up hanging out together most of the year.

Erica is a beautiful redhead, which means that she gets a lot of attention. Unfortunately, it isn't always attention she wants. At the same time, she also happened to have a ring that her mom had made for from her aunt's gemstones, 3 of which were diamonds. This band, when worn on the ring finger of her left hand, looked very much like an engagment ring. At a school like Fox, where the motto is "ring by spring or your money back!" well, it wasn't a hard leap to take.

After a few days? weeks? months? (E, do you remember?!) of unwanted attention from certain male members of our school (and of our group, if I'm honest) - and after countless people asking "are you engaged?!" - we decided Erica needed a fiance. Along came Fulton.

What you need to know about Fulton is....he doesn't exist. Never did, except in our imaginations. Fulton is the road that runs near the house where our friends lived and where we spent a lot of our time. If I remember correctly, "he" was born when, for the millionth time, someone asked if Erica was engaged and we made up this story. Of course we needed a name, and the name that popped to mind was that of the street nearest us. Over time, we made up a whole person (fairly certain Brandon is to thank for the B. Elkston part of the name), giving him a personality and life story.

Unfortunately for Erica, the story didn't work to dissuade all of her potential suitors (especially since one of them was in on the joke) but we did have a good laugh over it and still bring Fulton up now and again.

College Memories #17: Atomic Train

2009-08-14T02:03:00.000-07:00

This is one of my favorite memories, yet it's such a simple thing and likely a "had to be there" story.

My freshman year, a bunch of us were watching a movie (in the Sutton basement TV room, for all you GFU alum). As we were watching it, we realized why we'd never heard of the movie, Atomic Train before. It was horrible! Originally a made for TV mini-series, it's 168 minutes long but felt like it took about 6 hours. Every single disaster possible occurred in this movie. One guy died, then came back as a different character later in the movie and died again!

If ever you are in need of a completely brainless, so-bad-it's-good movie for watching with a group of friends, Atomic Train is just the ticket. Otherwise, avoid it like the plague!

College Memories #18: Dishwashing Detergent

2009-08-13T02:03:00.000-07:00

This is a story I'm going to tell on myself. And before I tell the story, I feel the need to state my defense:

1) The powder detergent had gotten shoved to the back of the cabinet where I couldn't see it and
2) Liquid dishwasher detergent DOES exist.

And now, my story.

My senior year three of us lived in a townhouse. It was a great situation; 1100 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 1.5 bathrooms, nice big kitchen and living room, laundry room, and it was cheap. We all moved in over the summer, but my roommates moved in before I did. Ricky and I were on vacation when they moved in, so when I got back I moved in and all was well.

After dinner one night (maybe even the first night I moved in), the dishwasher was full so I decided to run it. I called Amy and said I couldn't find the detergent and she said "it's there, it's the Kirkland brand in the huge container." Ok, cool - I pulled it out, poured some of the orange Kirkland liquid from the huge container into the dishwasher and set it to run. The whole time it didn't feel right, but it was all I could find.

Suddenly, bubbles started pouring out of the dishwasher. Whoops! The orange liquid was the stuff for washing dishes in the sink and apparently it creates bubbles of ginormous proportions when used in a dishwasher. I opened it and started scooping bubbles into the sink, thankful that one roommate was in bed and the other wasn't home...only to hear the door creak open.

Amy walked into the kitchen to see me with an armful of bubbles and I'm sure a look of "don't even ask" on my face. We had a good laugh about it, found the right container, and set the dishwasher to run again. Let me tell you, those dishes were extra squeaky clean!

College Memories #19: Charging for TP

2009-08-12T02:02:00.000-07:00

Our junior year, there were 4 of us living in an apartment built for 3. According to the school, however, it was plenty big enough for 4 (hah!). One of our roommates was in her own world, marched to her own beat...you get the idea. E, C and I would frequently come home to a group of people we'd never seen before in our living room watching a movie at the invitation of K. She meant well, but it was always a random group, people she barely knew, and usually freshmen. In her attempt to be hospitable she would offer them food and drink...which was great, except that she would offer them our food and drink! Needless to say, these random movie parties became both an aggravation and a joke.

One night, after stumbling upon such a party in our apartment when all E and I wanted to do was sit in the stillness of our living room and veg, I was feeling ornery. Obviously E was as well because she went along with it. One of the guys asked to use the restroom and we told him where it was, then I added, "but it's a quarter."

The look of shock on his face was priceless. Oddly, he believed me! We kept the charade up for a while, with talk of how expensive the water was and how toilet paper was going up in price, and we had him going for quite a while. Finally someone, though I can't remember who, filled this poor freshman lad in on the joke.

The best part of the whole thing? We didn't pay for the water OR the TP. The school did!

College Memories #20: Streakers

2009-08-11T22:13:00.000-07:00

Erica, my friend and roommate from college, came to visit last week. It was so fantastic to have her here. We ended up staying up waaaaay too late each night talking, very much something we did in college. In fact, at one point I asked her, "how'd we manage to be such good students when we were roommates?!" It was so great to reminisce, though, and to have old memories come to the surface for the first time in a long time.

Because I want to remember these things, and because a lot of them are funny, I've decided to share them here. My alma mater starts school in 20 days, so I'm going to post a memory each day for the next 20 days. A count down, if you will, to when school starts. They are in no particular order, so don't take the numbering as any indication of where in my heart I hold these memories.

With that....

#20 - The Streakers

Erica and I had the joy of witnessing streakers not once, but twice, in our tenure as roommates.

The first time was on campus. Now, those of you who know George Fox well know that this is a bit, um, out of the ordinary, shall we say? You see, George Fox University is a Christian college, complete with floor hours and promises to live life a certain way. Like, we had to write a statement promising not to drink while enrolled at Fox, regardless of age, and we had to promise not to have premarital sex. Not that those written statements stopped everyone, but it certainly helped weed out those who just wanted to party hard-y in college and allowed the college to kick out those who didn't follow the statement.

Given that, you can imagine how bizarre it was to see two boys running through the parking lot of our on-campus apartment complex this night, wearing nothing but their socks, shoes and handkerchiefs to cover their faces! It caused quite the commotion - especially since Erica's mom was visiting and they happened to be outside getting something from the car.

A few months later while in Europe on a school sponsored trip, we were sitting in Salzburg, Austria with a couple of other students and the two professors leading the trip, enjoying an apple strudel and the night air. Suddenly, two completely naked boys came flying by. Of course we all started laughing, and then one of the professors yelled out, "I saw The David last week, boys, I'm not impressed!" which, of course, caused us to die laughing. Because really, who expects Steve Grant, head volleyball coach and PE professor to yell that while eating dessert with students?

That's all for today. Tomorrow, look for #19 - Charging for TP

So it's been a couple of months...

2009-08-11T22:11:00.000-07:00

Wow. I'm sorry I've left you in the lurch for so long. Yikes. Not sure how I let it go for two months. Actually, I do know. Here it is, in a nutshell:

June - rehearsals for Wizard of Oz, getting ready for the Chinese kids, packing up my office at school and bringing it home.

July - Chinese kids and Wizard of Oz, all at the same time. Insanity reigned.

August - Starting a bit of a pity party because I have no job to begin gearing up for. Started a new (temporary) job with Stand for Children.

And now here we are. Whew. Glad that's taken care of. And in just a minute, I'm going to regale you with tales from college!

Kiss and makeup

2009-06-15T23:55:00.001-07:00

Those of you who know me well know that I am far from a "girly girl." Growing up, I didn't wear much makeup, if any, and was way happier in sweats and a tshirt than just about anything else. In high school, I wore my hair in a ponytail nearly everyday.

Then, when I finished grad school, my mom gave me the gift that keeps on giving, and quite possibly the best gift I've ever received - a gift certificate to The Difference. The Difference is like TLC's "What Not To Wear," but where WNTW is a one night stand, The Difference is a lasting, committed relationship. In fact, we've been together just over 5 years now! Not only do they help you figure out what colors, shapes and styles work best for your personality, body type and comfort zone, they will help with arranging outfits within the clothes you already own, do makeup, help with hair style choice and will even help pick out glasses if you want! They sell clothing, jewelry, handbags, all kinds of wonderful and unique things in their shop.

But enough about my love affair with The Difference. This post is supposed to be how I went from being un-girly to being more girly.

When I went to The Difference and got the clothing thing sorted out, that helped change me. I became much more interested in fashion because I had a better sense of what worked for me and why. The scope of my shopping eye narrowed a lot and shopping wasn't nearly so overwhelming as it once was. But even though I got the fashion thing somewhat under control, I still didn't do makeup.

It wasn't that I couldn't do the makeup or didn't feel comfortable with it. There were two major reasons I hated to wear makeup - one, I felt like it exaggerated the problems with my horrible skin and two, (and if I'm honest, this is the main reason), I was lazy.

Two things have happened recently to change my outlook. First, I started seeing an aesthetician who rocks my world and has gotten my crazy awful skin under control. It is no longer red, dry and flaky all the time, which is amazing.

But the second reason, the bigger reason, is much simpler than all that. I wore makeup out one day recently and got a million comments on how nice I looked. I couldn't figure it out at first - I was wearing the same ol' jeans and cotton tee that I wear on a regular basis. Why was this scrubby look suddenly garnering compliments? And then I realized - the makeup.

I've worn makeup everyday since then, and everyday I've gotten comments on how nice I look. Again, the clothing I'm wearing is nothing out of the ordinary, it's the same stuff I've been wearing for ages. It has to be the make up.

The compliments feel good, and when one feels good about oneself one does better in everything - interviews, weight loss endeavors, making friends, everything. So I guess I'll keep wearing the makeup. It's so funny how a ten minute process can attract so much attention and make me look and feel so much happier.

Meal Plan, 6/13-20

2009-06-12T23:03:00.000-07:00

Yes, there's an extra day in my week this week!

Sat - Grilled shrimp, sweet onion and asparagus on the bbq with pears on the side
Sun - Birthday party
Mon - Chipotle ravioli with caesar salad
Tues - Shrimp jambalaya
Wed - BBQ chicken, baked corn, cole slaw
Thurs - Tetrazinni
Fri - BBQ turkey burgers, fruit
Sat - Hawaiian chicken with jasmine rice

More devestation, and choosing to look on the bright side

2009-06-10T23:37:00.001-07:00

I'm going to cut right to the chase here - we lost 3 more from my building today. Our entire music department was cut. As far as I know, all 3 positions will still be held at the school (choir, band and orchestra) but not by my former coworkers. They have been let go because some of the people cut from the elementary music positions had more seniority. As the four of us are the only ones in our little part of the building, you can imagine the feeling at work today.

The bright side - I am done. For the next 3 months I will continue to get paychecks and will be sitting around on my butt. Ok, so that's not completely true, but I don't have to get up and go to work every morning (until July when the Chinese students come). I got everything packed up, brought home, and unloaded into the garage today. It is a nice feeling to know that tomorrow I can sleep in, take pup to the park, pretty much do whatever I feel like all the day long. I have flowers to plant, things to organize, rooms to paint...I have high hopes (as I do every year) that it will be a productive summer (it's usually not, but one can dream, right?).

The time has come

2009-06-09T23:34:00.000-07:00

I have been holding off on sharing this news for a while, but the time has come, I think, for me to put it out there.

I have lost my job.

I knew it was likely. I was 99% sure it was going to happen. I was not at all surprised when the letter came. But it still sucks.

150 people were laid off from my district, 13 in my building alone. They will be running bare bones next year - no drama, no art, only half time choir and slightly more than half time foreign languages. Computers and band appear to remain unaffected, and we don't know about orchestra yet since our orchestra teacher just took a position in another district.

It is not looking good. I applied for a position outside of public ed. I recently found out there were 90 applicants and I made it to the top 10. I had two phone interviews but did not make it to the next round, the top 3. Currently there are 2 teaching positions in the state for which I am qualified. Yes, you read that right. Two. Both requiring that I move and Ricky stay here and we live apart.

At this point, we figure if I can't find a job I will sub and draw unemployment. I found out I can draw unemployment anytime I can't get sub jobs, so that will be great for Christmas and Spring vacations. It also means we'll be able to relax a little bit on those weeks when the jobs are few and far between.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried. I go through moments of hopelessness, and then come back to seeing the bright side of it all (no more dealing with parents, no more grading, no lesson planning, I can take days off when I feel like it). Ideally, of course, I'd find another job - not just because of the salary, but because I love what I do and after having my own classroom with my own kids, it's going to be so hard to go back to seeing different kids every day and not having the relationship with them. Right now, though, in an effort to not fall into total despair I'm choosing to focus on the positive and enjoy my summer!

Food and friends

2009-05-15T23:47:00.000-07:00

We had a barbecue tonight. Sort of. It was kind of planned, kind of impromptu.

Originally, it was supposed to be a group of my girlfriends coming over for burkers and social time. We planned this, oh, a month or so ago. Then one ended up with a last minute deal on a new place to move in to, but had to be out of her old place this weekend. Another has been having some health problems and wasn't feeling well enough to come (in fact, the last time I heard from her she and her husband were headed to OHSU - I hope you're feeling better Court!). Another was hoping to make it but had to do pickup and dropoff duty for her younger sister. So there were 2 friends left, which was fine.

Except they weren't here by 7:45, so Ricky came home and we fired up the barbecue, planning on having the turkey burger dinner ourselves. By 8, though, we heard a "yoohoo!" There were my two missing friends! Apparently, mapquest/google maps/whomever doesn't give very accurate directions to our house. Oops. And somehow neither of my friends had my phone number. Double oops. Totally ok though, we were just glad to see them.

Just before they got there, we were talking with our neighbor, Bruce. He's divorced and his two kids have both moved out, so it's just him. He'd been working under his house on the plumbing all evening, so we invited him to come over for burgers too. He came by around 8:30 or 9 and stayed for a couple of hours.

We had a great time with our makeshift party. What started out as a group of girlfriends morphed into two of my friends, Ricky and Bruce. It was a wonderful evening of food and friends, with plenty of good conversation to go around.

He's touching me!

2009-05-13T21:16:00.001-07:00

She took my marker!
He wrote on me!
She said I'm stupid!
They won't let me sit by them!
No one in this class likes me!
I'm not using any costumes he makes!
This is dumb!
Wait, what are we supposed to be doing?

Ready to tear your hair out yet? Yeah, welcome to my world.

While I love my job most days, recently it has been two ginormous thumbs down. The list above is a list of actual student complaints I've heard this week. No, I did not get transferred to a Kindergarten classroom. Yes, those words came directly out of the mouths of 13 and 14 year olds - some of whom are just 16 school days away from moving up to high school. The joys of being a middle school teacher!

Happy Mother's Day!

2009-05-10T13:34:00.001-07:00

To all the Moms in my life - my mother in law, sisters in law, friends, grandmothers, aunts, and former students (scary, isn't it, that I have former students who are moms?!) - Happy Mother's Day!

But an extra special Happy Mother's Day to my own mom, who is so amazing and special to me. I have no idea what I would have done without her over the years. She is my friend, confidant, advisor, mentor. I have learned so much from her, and continue to learn from her on a daily basis. She taught me how to cook, even though everything was "till it tastes right!" She taught me (and is still teaching me) about gardening and growing flowers. She gives great advice, is slow to anger, and always has time to listen to me when I need to whine or vent or cry.

I love you Mom. Happy Mother's Day.

It will only take 5 minutes

2009-05-06T23:20:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Rachel and my mom, I did end up getting my buns in gear and going to Weight Watchers tonight. It was really good, and I'm very glad I went.

First of all, yes I did gain weight, but not as much as I had feared and certainly nothing I can't take care of in a week or two of tracking and exercising. When the lady weighed me in she was so cute; she whispered to me "you went up just a little." It was cute how she was trying to be so sympathetic. And here I was afraid the people working there would judge me for my gain!

Secondly, it was a good meeting. We talked about turnign negative thoughts into positive, ways to counteract the negative thoughts running through our heads on a daily basis. My negative lately has been "I'm too tired to deal with it." "It" being everything from exercising to cooking to packing my lunch, but mostly surrounding tracking, planning my food-day, and getting it all together.

My response to "I'm too tired to deal with it" is "It will only take 5 minutes." And it's very true. While I was watching Law and Order tonight, I'd run into the computer on the commercial breaks to track my meals and snacks for tomorrow. Then, when L&O was over I threw in a load of laundry, packed my lunch, put the leftovers in the fridge and started the dishwasher. Bam, it's 11:15, the kitchen is cleaned up, the snacks I bought at the store are split into serving size portions, my breakfast and lunch are prepared and packed, and I'm ready to go to bed. Had I only been dealing with packing lunch and breakfast, I think I really would've been done in 5 minutes.

With that, I am off to bed. And remember, if you need to accomplish something, just commit to 5 minutes. You'll get at least 5 minutes of the job done, possibly more. Either way, you're 5 minutes ahead of where you were, and really, what else were you going to do with those 5 minutes?

Fear.

2009-05-05T13:29:00.000-07:00

I was doing so well. I lost 17.4 lbs in a little under 3 months. Weight watchers was working.

And then I got busy. I couldn't go to the meetings like I wanted and needed. I didn't have time to cook, let alone grocery shop. Working 3 (yes, three, I teach after school too!) jobs kinda took it's toll.

Now I'm scared. I haven't weighed in 3 weeks (?) I think. I gave into the cravings. I am a major stress eater - and I don't eat anything healthy. Donuts and ice cream and fast food abound during my days of stress. Somehow I have to find a way around this, because I'm going to face another 3-4 stressful weeks over the summer when I teach ESL and run a show all at the same time.

My meeting is tomorrow night and I'm debating. To go or not to go? I'm afraid I'm going to go weigh and have gained 5 pounds or something. I gain really, really fast. Well, who doesn't when you are eating like I've been the past couple of weeks? Part of me wants to take a week to get back on track, to track my food like I should, to get some exercise in, and then weigh in next week. Another part of me feels like I need to go weigh in, if only for the reality check. No one except me and the person weighing me in will know how bad it is - and I might be pleasantly surprised.

Somehow I have to convince myself to go. There's no reason not to, except my vanity.

Because I'm boring...

2009-05-04T17:17:00.000-07:00

A boring update.

Softball is officially over. After starting the season 9-0 against some very good teams, we had a brain fart during season and, while our overall record was impressive (27-9), finished middle of the pack in conference.

And that's all I'm going to say about that.

In other parts of my life...

Five weeks of school remain, or something like that.
In the process of finding new renters for our rental home so we have minimal time with no one in the house. Waiting on a background check on two potential renters so hopefully this will all be over shortly.
Ricky is still at the same place, doing the same job. Once upon a time that was a bad update. In light of today's economy, it's a good thing.
We still know nothing about my job specifically. Waiting on the state, and the union, and all the higher ups, in that order.
Because softball is over I can now wash clothes and dishes and grocery shop. Life might just return to normal!

Are you good to go?

2009-04-28T16:58:00.000-07:00

One of the things Ricky and I have been trying to do is reuse as much as possible. This means we buy used furniture, reuse plastic bags, have reusable grocery bags, and find new uses for just about anything we can. It's partly a money saver - lets face it, buying used or finding something you already own that can be used in a new way is a lot cheaper than buying new - and partly an earth saver.

Recently I had the realization that I've been using a lot of plasticware. I usually eat lunch and snacks at school, and often breakfast as well, so that's a lot of time spent using utensils. I decided I wasn't down with all the plasticware I was putting into the landfills, so I tried to switch to flatware from home. However, I am the world's worst when it comes to remembering to bring home dishes and flatware, so my taking them to work meant the forks and spoons never came home, causing Ricky to ask if we had gnomes stealing our silverware! Thus, when I got an email from EcoSteal about To-GoWare, I immediately looked into it.

The utensils are made of bamboo, a natural and very renewable product. They are stain and heat resistant, and are coated with a natural, food grade oil for smoothness. The set comes with a knife, fork, spoon and chopsticks. I got the set that comes in the WEAVE holder, made by women on the Thai-Burma border, helping to support their efforts to become more empowered and advanced in their society.

Since I ordered mine, To-Go Ware has come out with a new set. The utensils are the same but the holder is called the RePEaT because it is made out of recycled PET plastic. In other words, yesterday's Coke bottle became today's utensil holder!

I haven't had a chance to use the knife yet so I'm not sure how well it works (and I doubt it would cut through steak) but the fork, spoon and chopsticks are awesome. I keep them in the holder on my desk so I always have utensils handy, and they wash up really easily after use. In fact, I like them so much I'm thinking of getting a second set to keep in the car for times when we get takeout.

So, if you're like me and take lots of food to work that requires utensils, I highly recommend you look into one of these sets!

Plant an umbrella in your yard for schools

2009-04-20T23:17:00.000-07:00

If you've been reading this blog long, you know that the school district in which I teach is in major financial trouble. Not only are we in trouble because of decisions made by our higher ups, but now we have added problems as the state of Oregon has announced they will be cutting funding to education for the 2009-2010 school year. This means that the cuts we made this year are not enough; the cuts we had planned on for next year won't even be enough. The newest list of cuts includes, but is not limited to the following.

Outdoor school - at this time it has been cut completely. The district is investigating a day program as opposed to an overnight camp.
Counselors - high school to lose 3, each middle school to lose 1, elementaries to all have 1 half time counselor rather than one full time.
No PE teachers at the elementary level
No music teachers at the elementary level
Librarians to be cut (to some degree) from elementary and middle schools
Class sizes for K-2 to be 30:1; 3-12 will be 35:1

This means that, in my building alone, we are looking at potentially losing 10-17 teachers. Out of 50. Yeah, that's a pretty huge percentage.

A couple of the music teachers in our district, teachers who will be out of a job at the end of the year because they teach elementary music, put this video together. I think it really speaks to the sad reality that is our district.

If you don't have the time to watch the video all the way through, I will tell you this - at the end, there is a statement imploring those who would like to see our state dip into the rainy day fund to help fund education for next year to put an umbrella in their yard. Please, put an umbrella in your yard to show your support for education, the arts, the library and physical education. Our kids, need something to look forward to. Reading is hard, math is hard, science is hard. Important, yes, but difficult for so many kids. To have a class that allows them the time to be creative, think outside the box, and to use their brains in different ways is to allow them a chance to rest from the other subjects, rejuvenate themselves, and get ready to face the difficult tasks once again. Studies have shown repeatedly that participation in performance arts, including music, theatre and dance, lead to better disciplined students with higher grades. Why would anyone want to take that away from a child?

Holiday Food Habits

2009-04-16T21:50:00.000-07:00

As I've been sitting here devouring Cadbury Eggs like they'll disappear any day now (oh wait, they will!), I got to thinking about various holidays and holday foods and how odd some of my habits and preferences are surrounding those. So, I made a comprehensive list for your reading pleasure.

Easter

Peeps: Love them, but prefer them stale. Must be the chicks, can't stand the bunnies. Also won't eat Peeps made for other holidays, like the trees and such at Christmas.
Cadbury Eggs: Adore them, but prefer them when the inside is runny. And I've always wondered how they keep the yellow from mixing with the white to make the whole thing a pale yellow.

Thanksgiving

Yams: I don't care if they are yams or sweet potatoes, but they must be fresh and baked with butter and brown sugar. No marshmallows* allowed!
Fruit Salad: This is where the marshmallows* go! That and the maraschino cherries. Yum!
Turkey: Totally a day after Thanksgiving food for me. I load my plate with all the side dishes the day off, then eat turkey sandwiches made with white meat on white bread with real mayo and some salt, sprinkled into my hand first, then dusted over the turkey, after that.
Dressing: Totally unnecessary. Yuck.
Pie: Only like the filling, hate the crust. Not a huge fan of pumpkin, either.

Christmas

Candy Canes: Not a big fan. Not sure why, they're just not my favorite.
Marshmallow* Santas: Yum! Only one kind will do, though - the Russell Stover ones in the green package.
Fudge: Love it, nuts or no nuts, makes no difference to me!
Divinity: Again, love it, but no nuts, ever.
Sugar Cookies: I know everyone loves to make the sugar cookies and roll them out and decorate them, and I do too...but I don't really care to eat them when they're decorated. If I'm going to eat sugar cookies, I want them plain. Mostly 'cause I just don't like frosting.
Bottom of the Stocking: Ok, this is kind of an odd one, but in my family (as in a lot of families, I think), Santa always leaves an orange in the bottom of the stocking. One small problem - I don't like oranges. So, Santa leaves a grapefruit.

Yes, I know I have some quirky eating habits. Put Ricky and I together and it gets really weird. I hate pie, he only likes storebought pumpkin pie (weirdo). Someday I'll have to block about his weird habits too!

*I will never forget how to spell the word marshmallow. Mrs Bolen, my 2nd grade teacher, misspelled it as "marshmellow" on my special spelling list and Mom had to correct her. Since then, the correct spelling has stuck with me.

I'll give you something to cry about!

2009-04-13T23:05:00.000-07:00

Ricky told me this story today and it made me laugh so hard. Hopefully others will laugh too, instead of deciding that Ricky is a jerk.

Our nephew is apparently just like his mother. Now, I didn't know J when she was a baby, but since she's 6 years younger than Ricky he has a pretty good memory of what she was like as an infant and toddler. She was one of those kids who does the fake cry in order to get attention and whatever else she wants. Her child is the exact same way.

Ricky's telling me this story, and then he says, "Of course, I made him cry for real the other day."

Me: What? Why'd you do that?!

Ricky: I took away his Cheerios.

Me: Jerk! What'd you do that for?

Ricky: He was eating them and doing that stupid fake cry, so I said, "Here, I'll give you something to cry about!" and swiped his Cheerios.

At this point I died in laughter. I think the fact that we both thought this was hilarious means it's good we're not planning on having kids, right?

That's what she said...

2009-04-13T22:54:00.000-07:00

As long as I'm posting funny stories about students, I thought I'd post one of my favorites that has been going on for weeks now.

I don't really watch The Office (gasp! I know a few people who suddenly have cut me from their lives) but I know that one of the jokes from the show is "that's what she said." The idea is that you add it to the end of a sentence when someone says something remotely sexual. You know, like so:

Person A: How was the meeting?
Person B: Shorter than normal.
Person A: That's what she said!

So I have this student who loves to use "that's what she said," but he never, ever gets it right. In fact, it's become this running joke where after class I run to another teacher and tell him the latest wrong use of "that's what she said." Examples of late include:

Me: Take out a piece of paper.
Student: That's what she said!

Other Student: Hey, can I borrow a pencil?
Student: That's what she said!

Yet Another Student: Dude, you just stepped on my lunchbox!
Student: That's what she said!

Yeah, he never, ever gets it right. Until today, that is.

Fourth Student: I have a headache.
Student: That's what she said!

Who do I look like?

2009-04-13T22:43:00.000-07:00

This guy??

I had the most bizarre experience at school today. I have a student who is a super nice kid, but really doesn't seem to understand boundaries. He's the kid who blurts out random stuff in the middle of instructions. The kid who, when I ask "does anyone have questions about XYZ?" raises his hand and asks me some completely unrelated question. He is the kid, and I kid you not, who tears his test into small squares so he can make paper airplanes and fly them in class.

So today, with about 3 minutes left, I allowed the kids to have a little free time. They'd learned a lot of new material and had earned a well deserved break. We'd finished everything we needed to accomplish, so I gave them the time to just chill. I was standing near a group of boys, watching to be sure everything was copasetic - you never know what can happen when a group of 12 and 13 year old boys have some free time! - when the aforementioned student got up to get something from another part of the room. As he passed me, he reached out with his pointer finger, poked me in the belly and said, "Boop!"

Buh?! Really, who does that to their teacher??? Of course I scolded him, but I was completely at a loss for how to compute what had just happened. I still am, I think. Perhaps I should get this shirt and wear it to school:

And now, in the interest of entertainment, I'd like to hear how my readers would have reacted. Wittiest answer wins!

One in six

2009-04-13T20:57:00.000-07:00

That is an approximation of how many teachers, counselors, administrators and other staff our district will be losing between this year and next due to budget cuts. We're not the only ones, either. My college roommate's district is cutting $50 million from their budget, which could result in more than 100 teachers being cut. Teachers, not staff. Other districts are putting the purchase of new textbooks on hold, not filling the positions of those who retire, and asking teachers to take a paycut. The unemployment rate in Oregon went up over 12% today; once all these districts get finished laying people off we'll see it go quite a bit higher.

I don't know yet if I'm going to lose my job for sure. Of course I'm worried - I teach an elective, which is "expendable" in the minds of most, and I'm only in my second year in the district. Sadly, cuts are made based on seniority, not ability. In the meantime, I'm busy looking for jobs outside of education (because there aren't likely to be any education jobs available) and updating my resume. It's a scary, scary time.

"Hoppy" Easter

2009-04-12T23:39:00.000-07:00

...From the Easter "Punny."

I figured I better get this one in while it was still officially Easter. Credit to Candace for the witty saying.

Wicked-ly Awesome

2009-03-31T10:14:00.001-07:00

On March 25th, Ricky and I got all gussied up and headed downtown for a night out. It was my one and only day off over spring break, and we took advantage of it.

First, we went to dinner at Yuki on NW 23rd. Man I love that restaurant! Ricky had never been but fell in love with one bite of the San Francisco roll. We gorged on sushi and gyoza for a bit and then took a walk to Rose's Restaurant, just down the street, for a little dessert. We ordered two desserts to share, since we couldn't decide on just one. The Mandarin Chocolate Dream cake was good, but the Bailey's Cheesecake was to die for. We were practically licking the plate!

After dinner and dessert, we went to see Wicked, which is really what this post is about. Wow, what an amazing show. I had heard a little bit of the music here and there, and had read the book, but really wasn't sure what to expect overall.

First of all, the set was superb in it's simplicity. It wasn't anything overly elaborate, just lots of small pieces on wagons and some things that flew in. The overarching theme was the clock, and they used the gears and other internal workings of a clock in so many of the set pieces, which was really cool.

Secondly, the costumes. Oh my word, the costumes. They were absolutely phenomenal. I especially loved the costumes for the Emerald City scenes. Incredible, beautiful, quirky, just simply amazing. I loved them.

The choreography was also fantastic. I love the contemporary style of dance that was used, and the use of acrobatics. Really, I just loved the dance.

And of course, the music and acting. Donna Vivino played Elphaba, the female lead, and she was incredible. She brought so much life and depth to Elphie, and her voice is amazing. We both just loved her. I am saddened that the only recordings of the show available are with the original broadway cast because, honestly, I think Donna is better than the original Elphie!

I would absolutely love to see this show again. They are leaving Portland sooner than my pocketbook will allow me to buy tickets, but I hear the same cast will be performing in Seattle later in 2009. I may have to save my pennies so I can head up there for another performance.

Some days, you just can't win

2009-03-15T23:01:00.000-07:00

Today was one of those days.

It started off just fine, like any other day. Pup and I cuddled (how I love days off!), I got up and fiddled around for a bit, then I started to be productive. And that's where it all went downhill.

First, I ran a couple of errands. Unfortunately, the items I needed were unavailable. Bummer.

Then, I went grocery shopping and blew the budget. Oops. We were just out of so much stuff! And in fairness, I didn't shop at all last week, so I guess I kinda used the grocery money from last week and this week. Of course, even though I blew the budget, I still managed to forget Ricky's hot sauce.

Tonight was a new recipe night and boy did it look good. Yeah, well, looks can be deceiving. It was awful. Blech. Not only did it not turn out right (it was supposed to be frittata like but completely fell apart), but it didn't even taste good. Gross. We resorted to cereal for dinner.

And finally, we watched what is quite possibly one of the worst movies ever made - Tropic Thunder. Complete waste of time (though not as big a waste as Epic Movie was).

How bad is it that I'm looking forward to Monday??

PS - a couple of good things did come out of today. I got a nice indoor walk in with Mom at the mall, and picked up a new pair of trousers at the same time. They are - are you ready for this? - size 12! I also ran across a bedding set that I really like, and Ricky likes it too. Hallelujah!

It's official

2009-03-10T23:10:00.000-07:00

I am insane.

First, I decided back in the fall that I'd go back to teaching for the Chinese ESL program I taught for during the summers of 2006 and 2007. I took last summer off because we were moving and all that, but knew in the fall that I'd need to go back to my summer job this year. So I've been in the process of making that happen.

Then, I was offered the job of stage managing for Wizard of Oz, which would pay a small sum. It is also happening over the summer.

I took both. Which means I'll be teaching summer school (assuming that all pans out, but I don't foresee any problems) and going through tech week at the same time.

Like I said, it's official. I am insane.

Up and Coming

2009-03-07T23:25:00.000-08:00

Just a quick note to fill you in on what's coming up for Ricky and me:

Mar 12: Superintendent is coming to our building for a meeting after school
Mar 13-15: Softball trip to Seattle and Vancouver BC
Mar 20: First day of spring break
Mar 21: Birthday dinner for my mom, who is turning 39 (again)
Mar 23: Mom's actual birthday...and for the first time in ages we will be in the state and not playing ball!
Mar 25: Wicked!! I read (and loved) the book. I know the musical is different, so I'm very curious to see how they compare.
Mar 26-28: Off to Ashland and K-Falls for softball
Mar 30: New trimester starts. I get to once again go over my rules, expectations and classroom procedures. Last time this year...too bad it will make times #17-24 since September.
April 1: Our date-iverssary (No joke!). This year marks 9 years since we started dating.

That's about it. People think I'm exaggerating when I say all we do is work and hang out at home, but it's totally true. Of course, this time of year is crazy since I'm gone every other weekend with softball. That's ok, though, Ricky and Pupper get lots of quality time together this way!

Friday Friday

2009-03-06T18:16:00.000-08:00

(as opposed to Monday, Monday, that is).

I had the hardest time remembering today was Friday. I kept thinking it was Thursday. And least it's a good mix up, rather than it being Thursday and thinking it's Friday and then realizing that I have to go to work in the morning!

We only a week left in the trimester, so it's a really busy time. I have 7 plays in production right now. They're very fun and funny and the kids are working so hard. I'm very proud of what they've accomplished. We're also supposed to be getting our brand new curtains next week, so there's a great buzz of excitement around the theatre department these days.

Softball is going well. We are currently 10-1. We have a few little issues here and there to sort out but overall the girls are doing great. We are supposed to be scrimmaging a JC tomorrow; we'll see if the weather holds.

That is really about it. We're pretty boring these days. I'm really looking forward to Spring Break. Maybe I can actually get some walls in my house painted!

16.8

2009-03-04T23:37:00.001-08:00

As of today. This weight watchers thing actually works!

I'm no longer too big for my britches

2009-03-03T09:44:00.000-08:00

I have reached the point where my britches are now too big for ME!

With the help of weight watchers, my wonderful mother and my amazing husband, I have managed to lose 14.8 pounds since Jan 11. This means that my clothes are starting to fit better. Or, in the case of the pants I'm wearing today, worse.

I bought these a while back because everything else was too tight. Then, of course, I started losing weight. The pants have been too big for a while now, but it wasn't anything a belt couldn't fix. Unfortunately, the belt no longer solves the problem. Now when I cinch them up with a belt they get that puffy look that tells the whole world the pants I'm wearing are too big for me.

Yay for too big pants! Boo that I didn't realize how bad they looked until I got to work today.

What a wonderful Valentine's day

2009-02-14T22:31:00.001-08:00

Ricky and I have never celebrated Valentine's day. When we were dating, we celebrated our "date-iversary," (April 1), and of course now we celebrate our anniversary, but we've never done anything exciting for Valentine's day. Part of that is due to the fact that we both see it as a bit of a Hallmark holiday, but also because for the first 8 out of nine years I've had practice or a game on Valentine's day. Hard to make plans when I know I'm going to be beat!

This year was no different, but it was a wonderful day none the less. After I got home from practice, we had dinner and then Ricky gave the dog a bath (ok, that part wasn't so fun). Then we went over to Ricky's parents' house to see our boys, Jeremy and Joseph.

It's amazing how big our nephews are getting. Joseph will be 1 in March and Jeremy is nearly 18 months. We played and cuddled with them and chatted with my sisters-in-law. It was a wonderful 2 hours spent with family.

Now we're home, eating popcorn and drinking Diet 7*Up. It's a relaxing evening, which is all I really wanted.

Social Anxiety Sucks

2009-02-09T21:11:00.001-08:00

I have social anxiety. I think I always have, but it seems to get worse as I get older. The worst possible situation for me is a group of people where there are lots of friends and I'm the one left out. Horrible. I get such anxiety that I often end up backing out of things at the last minute because I'm panicking over it. Sometimes it makes no sense - like the theatre banquet I was supposed to attend - and sometimes it really is a scary situation, like the rally at the state Capitol on Monday the 16th.

I am learning though. I know I'm going to freak on Monday if no one I know is going, so I reached out to our rep and asked her if she could provide me with a list of coworkers riding the same bus as me. A familiar face, someone to sit with, will make it so much easier for me.

I love my job, and I hate the idea of losing it, but I think I hate the idea of a new job even more. It means learning new people, new rules, new administrators, new unwritten norms. I am scared to death at the prospect of having to go someplace new next year and start over, when I'm just now getting comfortable where I am. That's why it is so important that I force myself to go to the rally on Monday, to help get some legislation passed to keep our education budget where it needs to be.

Delayed Reaction

2009-02-06T10:04:00.000-08:00

I've been working on losing weight for a while now. Well, off and on for years, but this go 'round it's been about 4 weeks. And in those 4 weeks, I've lost 12.8 pounds - yay! But even though I was losing - and not a small amount, either - I didn't feel like I could see a change. Until now.

I don't wear my wedding ring as much as I used to because, as it turns out, I am allergic to it (thanks Dad). Once upon a time I didn't even take it off to shower or sleep, but since developing this wonderful allergy I can't wear it too much or I get a wonderful red, itchy, flaky, blistery rash on my finger. But lately, the allergy isn't what has stopped me from wearing my ring - the fat has. Meaning, I couldn't wear it comfortably because my fingers had gotten too fat.

Yesterday I decided to give it a go and whaddayaknow! It fits comfortably again.

I'm also starting to notice a difference in the way my pants and shirts fit. I feel "skinny" today for the first time in ages. Finally, my perception and what the scale is telling me is starting to match up.

It's been far too long

2009-02-03T23:20:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if I haven't posted because I've been busy or because I haven't had anything interesting to say. Here are the highlights of the past couple of weeks:

Softball has begun, thus I'm crazy-busy
I have lost 10.2 pounds since Jan 11. Go me!
I have been ungodly ill. Awful. Tried to go to work this morning and had to pull over on the way there. Got sick in the parking lot at Albertsons. Hoping that I can make it through the day on Wed.
yeah, that's about it. Told you I wasn't very interesting!

Yet another food rec

2009-01-19T14:18:00.000-08:00

Obviously I'm obsessed with food. Actually, I'm trying to lose some weight (here we go again!) so I'm trying new things in order to change my old bad habits.

My most recent find is Quaker's Simple Harvest Oatmeal in vanilla, honey & almond. A mixture of whole oats, whole wheat and barley blended with vanilla, honey and sliced almonds. Wonderful. Absolutely delicious - and there's nothing artificial about it. No HFCS, no Red #42, none of that. It tastes wonderful, is filling, and is actually good for you! I can't wait to try the maple, brown sugar and pecan variety!

Meal plan - 1/18-24

2009-01-18T18:31:00.000-08:00

Sunday - Peanut Noodles and Shrimp
Monday - Sloppy Toms, coleslaw, green beans
Tuesday - Chicken Mirabella (DD), couscous, roasted potatoes
Wednesday - Pizza Soup
Thursday - Sweet and Sour Chicken (DD), jasmine rice, pears
Friday - Herbed Chicken (DD), white beans, applesauce, corn?
Saturday - Lasagna, salad

Food Rec - Trader Joe's products

2009-01-17T00:52:00.000-08:00

I recently picked up two new-to-me products at Trader Joe's and I've fallen in love. The first are Pretzel Slims in the "everything" flavor. And everything really does mean everything - onion, garlic, caraway seed, sesame seeds, and many, many more. So incredibly good, yet 1 oz is only 110 calories. It's like eating chips only much, much better.

My second product rec is Rice Chips in the "sea salt and pepper" flavor. In the words of Rachel Ray, Yumm-o. If you want a low cal tortilla alternative, here you go. These are a. maze. ing. Seriously, I'm not sure I've ever had a better light, crunchy, flavorful snack. Only 120 calories per ounce - and an ounce gets you about 38 chips! So, so good.

Recipes are online!

2009-01-16T23:37:00.000-08:00

I am attempting to make 52 new recipes this year - one a week. Since I have a tendency to lose recipes, I created a recipe blog here. Enjoy!